Month Ninety-Two

Dear Husband,

Well this is simply getting ridiculous. I just want to shout oh for f***’s sake, seriously!?! The saga of the water damage to the rumpus room just goes on and on and on and then there is the amount of things that just seem to go pear shaped besides that. Is it because we don’t have 9 to 5 jobs where things can go wrong someplace else? Things just have to go wrong somewhere so that’s gonna be here? I constantly tell myself that they are totally first world problems and that we are not dealing with chronic sickness within the family etc but it really does feel like we keep taking one step forwards and two steps back. We receive what we think of as a glimpse of clarity but this in turn just opens up a whole new swag of things which we do not know. Like getting the water bill.

That sucker was over $800 and we sure as, well you know what, do not use that much water. So now we are dealing with a leaky pipe. Another water problem. Whoopee. Apparently our insurance covers finding this leak (but not fixing it – of course) so we call to get some help. Yet more stress on your part because you are also asking them to reopen the claim they denied because we think they are connected. But they can’t send out a plumber for our water problem. Oh no, they have to send out a builder first. So the builder comes only to say I’m not really sure why I’m here, you need a plumber. Duh. And then the plumber comes out and says, yep, you’ve got a leaky pipe. Great. We knew that. Plumber doesn’t know where it is though and lets us know we need a diagnostics guy to come out. Then the diagnostics guy comes out and determines yeah, so, I looked and I listened but I can’t find your leak. And by the way, all that water gushing out of your internal wall like a fountain? That is totally nothing to do with subsidence or a leaky pipe, that a busted storm water pipe. What the? I know you have had more choice words to say about all of this that I have.

HubbyMar17-3

This new state of affairs would explain some things though. Like us getting the fountain during more extreme weather conditions such as when it absolutely pisses down with rain as opposed to just showering. However, it doesn’t make me feel any better that we probably will end up going through weeks of finding and fixing a leaky pipe and then have to turn around and do the whole thing again when we say um, we still have a problem here, can you figure out why I have a fountain coming out of my internal wall which is what was asked of you in the first damn place! Sigh. Meanwhile, we are haemorrhaging money day by day – apparently into the soil or under the house somewhere – as well as to specialist skin clinics.

I’m not begrudging the need to spend this money. You have been dealing with the skin condition for years, applying stop-gap measures just to function. You bit the bullet this month to seek more professional help and I’m not sure if it was a blessing or a curse for you to be told you needed a pharmacy of pills every day and a crazy-arse diet to try and alleviate your symptoms. They pretty much struck at everything you hold dear. No caffeine, no alcohol, no sugar, no red meat, no eggs, no dairy, no tomato, no citrus and a few other things besides. They pretty much left you chicken, fish and selected fruits and vegetables but not much to put with them. With everything they took, they actually left you gluten but not many ways you could consume it.

Finding what a foodie who likes variety can eat given all those limitations has been challenging. The list of allowed foods doesn’t fit any particular fad diet (gluten free, fod map, dairy free, sugar free etc). It’s a weird mix of all of them put together and you have been dealing with that as much as the physical repercussions of the switch. You went into withdrawal the first week. You were moody, irritable, itching all over and were an all-round cranky bastard. We have previously discussed those extreme diets that people go on in order to get washboard abs and have commented that it’s not really worth it to piss off everyone else in your life and enjoy nothing while you’re at it. Apart from the fact that you have not taken on a ridiculous training schedule though (I think that would just about kill you at the moment) that is pretty much the situation that you have put yourself in. Having said that, I definitely have to say that I am so impressed by how diligently you have kept to the strictures of the diet. I know it’s been really hard but you have managed to stay strong. Maybe it’s been a mantra of it’s only for six weeks, it’s only for six weeks, but as I said, I am impressed. And because you have been faithful, your body has also adjusted and your moods are a lot less up and down now at the end of the month. I never thought that our previous diet would have made such an impact there but it really did.

HubbyMar17

That doesn’t mean that we both don’t still struggle day to day in balancing our lives against our wants and needs. We had a couple of “discussions” about the household this month which has helped resolve some things and highlighted a few others. We seem to have different interpretations of cleanliness. Or rather, we more or less agree on what cleanliness is but we have different thresholds and bugbears surrounding uncleanliness. Which is not to be confused with untidiness but that is another argument. They often get all thrown into the same basket though. You stressed his month that you feel responsible for about 95% of the outside of the house. You also feel responsible for a growing percentage of the work that needs to be done inside the house and it has gotten to the point that it feels unfair.

You asked for more help from me, specifically in regards to cleaning up at night. I often do the washing up and the dishwasher but didn’t always wipe down the benchtop or spray and wipe the splat mat, high chair and floor. Not that I would leave massive chunks of food lying around but invariably, some crumbs. Basically, I performed more of a surface level of cleaning than you are comfortable with and you wanted that to change. Fair enough. I could understand your point that you felt the balance was shifting in my favour and I could make a more consistent effort to do things the way you wanted them done. The thing is though, as I felt I was making more of an effort for you, I felt like you stopped making one at all. After I feed Elliot to sleep, I have started coming out to wind up doing everything on the night time checklist whilst you play on your phone in either Genevieve’s room while she is asleep or in the living room. All of these little tasks stopped feeling like something “we” were responsible for and something that just “I” was responsible for. Which doesn’t sit well with “us” either. We each have our nights of needing a little more slack and that’s fine but we are both also stubborn and don’t like to feel as though the other is taking liberties.

And it’s true. I do hold onto things without always saying something right up until the time that you feel it is biting you on the backside. My thought process is different to yours though. I hear the we need to get this stuff out of the way so I’m putting it in your office but I will clear it out in less than a week and the yes, I’ll clear some space for that in the shed but just not this afternoon, ok and the I can’t stand that that this place has crap everywhere so it all needs to be tidied. I hear that and I think great but my office has looked like a bomb site for months, we still have an adult car seat sitting beside our front door and the reason you occasionally run out of clean underwear is that I can’t see the dirty ones for the floordrobe you have going. So I think you said one thing but you are clearly ok living with another and I draw parallels where you don’t seem to see any at all…So it’s a work in progress.

But that’s not all folks. No, we still had car troubles. Ever since we got the car back from the assessors, you have felt that it now pulls to the left when it didn’t and it also now shudders somewhat when it shouldn’t. So back we went for you to insist on the service we pay our premiums for. I am pretty sure this took hours of your time, what was remaining of your patience and some serious negotiation to get the situation sorted. We were not even sure if there was any serious damage to our car the first time around but everything is a process and between us, the insurer, the smash repairer and the hire car company…it all takes its toll. We got Sonia Kluger II though. Which facilitated our long distance trip to the mountains because there was a death in the family…

Your Pop, who has been quite sick for some time, passed away towards the end of the month and we all went up to the mountains for the funeral. It was great to see some family we hadn’t seen for a while despite the unpleasant circumstances. I actually spent most of the service outside the door whilst Elliot transferred dirt from inside the planter pots to the tile floor repeatedly which was fine with me. I will easily pick up on other people’s emotions and I would probably have been in tears if I had stayed inside. As it was, I barely held it together when Genevieve came out to find me and said I just want to see Pop and I’m never going to see him again. My four-year-old did me in!

HubbyMar17-4

All in all, it was not a month we expected this month. You especially got slapped a little upside the head but nonetheless, we keep on plodding forwards. Onwards and upwards, eh?

Forwardly Yours,
Your Loving Wife

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