Month Eighty-Five

Dear Husband,

Happy anniversary. You know, for the 7th. That is 7 years down now which simultaneously feels like no time at all and a lifetime ago. I am not sure if that means we have passed the whole “7 year itch” thing or if we are smack bang in the middle of it but we definitely survived another year without seriously wanting to kill each other. A plus really. That is a bit tongue in cheek by the way. I’m not gonna lie and say that I haven’t been absolutely blindingly furious at you in the past year but it totally wears off, even if that is never as fast as you’d like.

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So this was an eventful month. Or rather I thought it significant that I reclaimed the bedroom. I ousted the baby and once again, our room is our own. Going away and having Elliot in another room for part of that time was a catalyst or perhaps a reminder that it wasn’t going to be any harder having him in a cot in another room than it was to have him in a cradle in our room. Up until this point, I guess I have left him there out of habit. Neither of us have ever brought up moving him and so there he stayed, almost twice as long as Genevieve did. But coming back to an emptier house than the one we left, I figured if we were down a dog in our bedroom, we might as well be down an infant too.

And I was happy about moving Elliot into his own room. I was not so happy about missing the dog. I notice his absence. He’s not there for me to talk to or pat when I take a work break anymore. It was like coming home to find a room missing from the house. We can still live in it but not the same way. I still find myself doing a double take when I hear the gate as well. Or when there are sounds outside of the house. I still anticipate the barking and to a certain extent prepare to repel boarders. But then there is no Reuben there. And I know you’re hurting too. We have discussed inviting a new addition into our family but you are not ready. That’s been hard for me too.

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Other than that, I have started doing some more regular contract work as my Mat leave really is over. We have reached the point that we need the additional income and so I have started 2 full contract days a week. Its not permanent or secure but I think we can make it work for the moment. Or go and beg hardship on the mortgage until I can get alternate work. I am hoping that this circumstance plays out though especially with Elliot so young. I am also hoping that the hours equivalent to two days will morph into two actual days of work but I am grateful to have the option of working from home still, especially as I actually enjoy what I do.

I’m not sure what else to say really. I feel like this is sounding flatter than it should though. It really was great to go away with you and the kids on holiday from last month to this one so I don’t want you to underestimate how big I thought that was for us. Family is important and I know you miss being closer to yours. Now that we have moved, I can see mine whenever and we have always been close but I know you miss being able to spend quality time with your folks. And I think its extended time like this that helps you build back the kind of relationship you want. We should make more time for that with the kids and us being so mobile right now. Either that or get our skype ability back up and functional. That might be good too.

Familiarly yours
You Loving Wife

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