You got a son this month. That was pretty big. He came early too, mostly on his own. But you were able to rest assured that he was perfectly fine and in fact fully cooked. I’m sure it was a comfort that several medical professionals commented that the mass of peeling skin to be found on our baby after I had birthed him was more akin to a baby born post term and definitely a sign that he was ready to come out.
Leading up to this of course, we had had many discussions about the pros and cons of having a baby before forty weeks, or rather inducing a baby before forty weeks. For at least the last month, I have been totally over this pregnancy which was so different to the last. I have been more than ready to get him out whilst you have been researching on the net (never a good thing where anyone’s health is concerned – everything leads to cancer and death!) on the whys and wherefores. You have been hesitant to support an early delivery, worried that we will somehow ruin our son’s chances of enjoying life because of…something. In the end though, it was more or less a moot point because I ended up delivering him several days prior to the date we agreed to induce him.
So now I am in hospital with Elliot and you are…between here and somewhere else. I see you every day, sometimes with the other munchkin in tow but I am currently acclimatising to not having a living thing in my belly anymore. Which I have to say is freaking awesome even if feel like I have blown up like a puffer fish. But that is not what I thought I would be talking about this month. I thought I would be talking about the other path you have just started walking down.
Since I have known you, you have come up with a number of ideas about what you could study if you went back for further education. There was the real estate licence course that you applied for but never actually started. There was the personal trainer course that you briefly looked into. There was the engineering diploma that you started and then stopped. There was the plan to become a public school teacher and move to the back of beyond for a while so you could eventually move to an inner city school. There was also the plan to complete an education degree and subsequent study to equip you as a Montessori teacher. Something I was more willing to support as it seemed to fit well with our move to the country. But now you are applying to the Melbourne School of Theology.
Before we moved out of Sydney, church and religion were always on the periphery of our relationship but never a real part of it. We have attended on and off since we have been together (although far more off than on) but we never found someplace like “home” so it was never part of the calendar. Since we have been here though, its become a habitual part of our lives and this in turn has apparently given you the final push to pursue study. We have discussed this option over the last couple of months and you perhaps have fought this decision and what it could mean for you. You have kept on coming around though to this is what I am going to do. I therefore support you whole-heartedly.
I know you think I like to crap all over your ideas sometimes. That I am always itching to take you down a peg or two or that I ultimately know better. That is only true some of the time, dear. What I have always been looking for though is your passion and your drive. Your commitment to a course of action on an ongoing basis. Your true belief that the option you are espousing is not a flight of fancy. Your ability to accommodate certain changes and your willingness to compromise in order to achieve something. This course of study that you are planning to undertake is an option that you researched in depth. This decision was one I saw you fight and finally accept. This direction is one that sits with your life and character as it is, a little like a hand in glove.
Now I am not saying that I think it will be easy or smooth sailing. I think it will challenge you in more ways than one and may not even be a path that you complete. But I also think that it is the right decision now. I think things have a way of working out in the end. I trust the path that brought us here and I think we should keep going down it to see where it leads.
You think I frequently complain and criticise when I write these letters and that I never say enough nice things? Well I wanted to say that not only are you still a great dad but what you are planning on doing now with university and the crèche and everything? I am proud of you. You are incredibly generous and you have the ability to make a positive difference to people’s lives. You continually push me to be a better person and I am grateful for that.
I am also mildly allergic to being that schmaltzy so I think I am going to have to leave this one here.
Your Loving Wife