Month Seventy-One


Dear Husband,

We’re having another baby! Which you totally knew because apart from the fact that I told you already, you have been on the receiving end of a moody and hormonal pregnant lady. Sorry, I am sure that has not really been fun. A bottled up blend of sass and sarcasm with somewhat more of a hair trigger and somewhat less of a brain to mouth filter. Who spent the first couple of weeks being exhausted. I understand it has made me a little…difficult.

It hasn’t really helped the stress levels in the house as you try to negotiate our way through buying and selling our primary residence pretty much by yourself. That’s the other big thing this month. We’re buying a new house! I have sort of been checking out of the process a bit though because at first this month, I was consumed with whether I would get a new job and if so, what would that mean. When I realised I was pregnant, if I was going to be offer the job, should I tell them and give them an out or should I withhold something they couldn’t discriminate against me for and potentially leave myself open for resentment and awkwardness when they found out I’d be out the door in 6 months. At least for a while. I was very torn up about it. Which turned out to be a moot point when I was pipped at the post anyway. And then we were pregnant and we were moving and how was that going to work?

In the end, my work have agreed to let me telecommute my role on a trial basis which theoretically will take me up to maternity leave and then…well, I guess we come to that leap of faith I wasn’t sure I was ready to make last month. We could both be unemployed. Of course, its not quite as dire as it could be. I’ll be on minimum wage with government maternity leave payments coming in and since I’ll be at home, you would hopefully be able to pick something up if required until I returned to the workforce. There is also a back-up plan of using the money that my parents have gifted us. Which is slightly more appealing because to be honest, I’d prefer it if you didn’t have to work. It would be really nice to have the extra pair of hands and company around since there would be 2 little people. The house would be big enough that we wouldn’t be on top of each other so I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to strangle you after a prolonged period together. But we’ll have to wait and see. About the jobs thing. I’m not just waiting to see if I feel like strangling you. I promise.

A couple of things I am sure of though, are that this is the right decision for us at this point in time and you are going to be a great stay-at-home-dad. We did think long and hard about whether this would be the right thing for both Genevieve and Peanut. Taking one out of daycare that she loves and consciously not providing the option for the other. We wanted to make sure this was the right decision for all of us not just some of us and that no one was being expected to compromise unduly for the privilege. I don’t think that is the case.

You of course are slowly getting stressed off your nut and appear to be getting nervous at the prospect of moving to the country but I figure the house and land are well big enough to keep you busy if you need and there are cafes in town. That is cafes, plural. At least one of them is one that you really liked as well. We picked a place to move that has 5000 people as opposed to 400, there is a hospital and shops and services and it also happens to be 15 minutes’ drive from the acreage that Neighbourette and her family have settled on as a permanent home address.

So its been a pretty big month for us. It has been eventful, stressful, draining and filled with angst, deliberation and maybe not enough consideration. For each other. But we’ll get through this and hopefully on the other side our lives will be a whole lot less fraught. At least that’s the plan.

Soon to be countrily yours,
Your Loving Wife


Day 56 (AC)

Dear Peanut,

I’m still sick. I thought you should know that. Sick with a cough that is as annoying as it is niggling and ongoing and sick with a head full of mucus I just can’t shake. This doesn’t actually change how I feel about you by the way. I’m just having a whinge. I really wish I could just knock this cold on its head though.

Apart from that, well, everything else is still the same too. I’m still grazing throughout the day because when you’re hungry, you’re hungry. I still peel off to bed early as well because when you’re tired, you’re tired. Unfortunately, as an adult, you find you sometimes can’t just go and fall asleep because there are other things you have to do first. Like put your sister to sleep. Or perhaps I should have said, get her off to sleep. She’s still here and all. But yeah, still very tired. And hungry. And sick…

Much love,

Day 49 (AC)

Dear Peanut,

You are slowly making yourself more known. Or, you know, more obviously making me not like I was a month or so ago. Like when I am hungry. Right now.

I will be happily trundling along, going about my day when, WHAM!, I am starving. I am so hungry, I can’t think straight. I have to eat. This minute. I need snacks. Close. I seem to remember around this time with Genibean I wasn’t eating all that much. I had started to feel slightly nauseous and if anything, I was occasionally having vegemite on toast because the salt made it better. And vegemite on toast is awesome. But this time around its different. Doesn’t matter what I’m eating, I just need FOOD.

And then there are the cramps. They are just a wonderful sensation as well. Apparently this is just the uterus expanding to accommodate you and it is a sensation that gets worse with subsequent pregnancies. Despite the fact that y body now knows what it is doing because its had to do it before. Great. Oh and I’m sick too. Not throwing up, morning (or evening) sick. Sick as in you completely shot my immune system to hell and I can’t fight this damn cold because I’m not allowed to mainline drugs sick. Its very annoying. What probably should have been a couple of off days has blown out to a week. Grrr. Doesn’t help either that I am still SO TIRED.

Oh well, nothing much should have changed for you so I hope you’re still having fun.

Much love,

Day 42 (AC)

Dear Peanut,

You are definitely a Peanut. I checked. I can’t say for sure that the things I may have previously attributed to your arrival were actually symptoms but regardless, you are really truly there. I am pretty sure at least that the tiredness I am currently feeling is a symptom and it is a whopper. I don’t remember this from last time. Of course, I didn’t have a dog and toddler last time but I did have a full-time job. And now I am ready to flake out completely by 9pm. Thank you, come again, this centre is now closed. Couldn’t open up again if I tried. Except in case of an emergency. Like peeing. I have to pee overnight this time! That didn’t happen before either…

Your father asked me this week when I was planning on getting a proper test done to check if I was pregnant. My response was, I’m not. He was under the impression that a home pregnancy test was not 100% accurate and therefore I would definitely want to know for sure. I’m of the opinion though that its pretty hard to get a false positive from a home test and even if I didn’t have that for back-up, I am totally convinced that I’m pregnant. There is not a doubt in my mind.

Having lost a pregnancy before, there is a doubt in my mind that you will stick and given the funky nuchal I had with Genibean, there is also a doubt that everything will turn out ok but there is no doubt whatsoever that you are there. So, welcome. Or in other words, please be nice to me. Labour was over for me in less than a day last time so that was like a total blip in the pregnancy journey. Pregnancy lasts for months though man, and I’m terrible when it comes to feeling uncomfortable and / or sick. It would be super awesome if you were kind. Really.

Much love,

Day 35 (AC)

Dear Peanut,

Pretty sure you are an actual “Peanut”. That is, you’d be nowhere near the size of a real peanut but more that you are actually there. As in The Peanut. Of course, I don’t categorically know yet. I could be like all those women who start attributing random physical symptoms to a suspected pregnancy when none actually exists purely because it could be technically possible.

I had the crazy thing that I was sitting down one minute and I got up to go to the kitchen the next and my knee hurt like the blazes. I didn’t bump it, knock it, feel any twinge as I got up or realise I had in any way twisted it but all of a sudden I was limping everywhere. It must be random pregnancy hormones making everything loosen up and behave weird…

I have had the driest lips ever this past week. I mean really dry, cracking and everything. Needing to apply lip balm several times a day dry and I never get dry lips. Even in the middle of winter. Must just be a pregnancy thing…

I have been warned by well-meaning and concerned friends previously that just because I fell pregnant immediately the last two times, that doesn’t mean it will happen that way again. I am older now, the body changes, you never know what the next time may or may not be like. Which is all very true of course. However, one could also be forgiven for making the assumption that I have no reason not to assume my body will behave exactly the way it has on more than one occasion previously.

I therefore now assume that I am pregnant and you are The Peanut. I’m just saying.

Btw, I’ll just preface this starting at Week 5 (pregnancy) or Day 35 as it were (after conception) thing right now by saying you will always be the 2nd born. All the photos and letters that exist of your sister, don’t hold me to that. I’ll try, I will. I want to be fair and I want for you to have the same things she did/does but I can promise you that I am totally going to run out of time at some points. I’m human and I’m sorry. And maybe you’ll grow up a fighter because you have to push that much harder for some things.

On the other hand, Genibean has totally worn us down on a couple of points so you’re going to breeze right through a number of her hurdles. Just so as you know.

Much love,