Month Sixty-Three


Dear Husband,

Earlier this year, I glossed over our anniversary. I wrote about ovens and rain and mundane things that were I guess uppermost in my mind at the end of the month. I wasn’t remembering that towards the beginning of August was the day that marked five years of us being married to each other.


But I have been thinking about it recently. Especially as several couples of our acquaintance have been having marital difficulties. Both ones that have been married but a few years and also ones that have been married for many. Each marriage is unique of course, with its own set of challenges and obstacles, but from the outside, some of the language sounds the same.


The words “divorce” and “leave” and “go” and “can’t” have all been spoken or at least considered. And impressions of enough and over and empty and gone start to exist where satisfaction and happiness and love once reigned. What occurred to me though, and what I wanted to tell you, was that those things haven’t occurred to me.


We have had our share of ups and downs in the last five years. We have been through some stressful times together. We have also been through some big changes. You may have irritated the crap out of me on occasion just as I have frustrated you but not having you there as my husband has never been a potential solution to any problem. There are times that I need my space, sure, but I have never wished you gone permanently. I have never thought my life would be better or fuller or easier if you were not in it on a full-time basis and I wanted you to know that.


As we have both agreed on several occasions, we balance each other out. Your intuition to my sense, your feeling to my thinking. We can both be independent people and fortunately, we are not so bound up in each other that we cease to function effectively when we’re apart. However, I do find that I have better balance when you are there and sometimes by just knowing you will be.


It can take me a while to get comfortable arriving some place new. I don’t like not knowing what my path ahead looks like and I can be disconcerted by feeling exposed on the way when I must actively participate in my route. I can be a creature of habit, I know, and asking me to change the plan in my head on the spur of the moment doesn’t always work. I am not sure exactly where I am going with this except to say that despite the fact that you may think I constantly shut you down, I do listen to you, I do heed your advice and I do trust you. It may just look a little different through my eyes…What looks the same for both of us though are these pictures across the years that we have been together.

Happy (belated) anniversary Dear Husband, here endeth the schmaltz, I’m yours,

Your Loving Wife



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