I made a rookie mistake. I thought we were safe. After blatant and empirical evidence however, it has been made perfectly obvious that we were not.
I did actually think about it beforehand. A little. Although in hindsight my reasoning was a bit naive. I figured that we had already ticked the fast food box (because sometimes as parents we were really not prepared, sorry) and we had also ticked the pre-mixed bottle and packet food options (because sometimes as parents we are just lazy – probably should apologise for that one…). So for some reason I thought that meant we were fine…generically.
What I apparently failed to take into consideration however, was that we have most likely never before fed you the particular type of maniac serum that I am pretty sure is the additive 160B or Annatto. This is the thing that is supposed to make foods redder or yellower or something and is responsible for making children around the world into complete toads. You were no exception. In an extremely poor decision on my part, we fed you Chicken Tonight and in our house we have now decreed that it become Chicken Never Again!
To be clear, it wasn’t the chicken and the problem may only be with the Butter Chicken jar of the brand but mark my words, it was a problem. You went WILD. You were hyperactive, aggressive and a whole level of crazy that I have never before seen (nor wish to for that matter). Your dad got to enjoy the benefits in the shower and then I got to see first hand the particular brand of horrible you had become afterwards as it was still working its way out of your system.
Firstly, I couldn’t get a nappy on you. I couldn’t even get a nappy underneath you. You twisted this way and that with a fervor of one convinced the world would end if you so much as touched such an absorbent article. So in order to regroup and gather reinforcements, I decided to plonk you in your cot for a bit. Behind bars. Which didn’t phase you in the least as you ran round and round in circles, touching one end of the cot and then the other before stopping in the far corner. This was where you paused for a minute…looked up at me…laughed and then peed!
So then I had to wrangle you into a nappy (which was only really technically on – it was hardly a proper job on my part), change your sheets and finally beat a hasty retreat leaving your dad to put you down because I am a coward.
Now I don’t know about you but I never want to do that again. You seemed to really like the meal but I hardly think it was worth it. I’m sure we will go through something of the like again as we inadvertently contaminate you with crazy juice at some point in the future but hopefully that’s not for a long time!
Ps. I shamelessly stole the image and have no rights to its use whatsoever.