I had the best of intentions. Really, I did. I thought, how hard can it be? Writing a letter to you at the end of each month should be child’s play. There are around 30 days to each month, there is bound to be something to say. And hey, with 4 whole weeks in which to write my missive, surely I could come up with a story or a thought or two to post each month. Even if it was a little late. Then we had a baby.
I did pretty well in the beginning I think. It didn’t go pear shaped as soon as she was born. Despite my best intentions though, this pretty amazing little girl has taken up a lot of my time and a lot of my energy (and some of my creative juice and some of my dedication too) because here we are…Three months later. Every time I thought I should really sit down and write you something I found myself stuck for a place to start. When trying to identify that which was about us two and not us three, there didn’t seem to be anything noteworthy to say as one day sort of blended into the next. And for that, I’m a little sorry.
I don’t want to be someone who passes over her husband in favour of the baby as my relationship with her is not the only important one that I have. I also want for us to have memories of each other and to not come out of this time unable to remember actually feeling married. To not be conscious of the dynamic we have between the two of us because it shouldn’t be something that is just put on hold while we have an infant. Of course, having said that, the one thing I happen to remember most about last month was us not spending time together. Or perhaps that was just not beside each other.
I must admit that last month I was beginning to wonder whether you had an aversion to sleeping in our bed. Not in the I cant bear to be near my wife sort of way, just to be clear, but in the I’m not sure I even like the physical bed kind of way. In order to catch up on missed sleep, I started retiring a little earlier. You on the other hand wanted to “stay up for a while” and watch tv but left me with the promise to follow. So I would go to sleep with the dog curled up at the foot of the bed and then wake between 2 and 3am with the dog sprawled over a good 4/5ths of your side because you had fallen asleep on the couch!
Now I remember saying that if you want to watch tv, that is fine but if you are really that tired, just come to bed! I even suggested that you put an alarm on your phone for midnight so you could still come and get some decent sleep. That couch cannot be good for you. I didn’t say that if you really did dislike the bed, well…you must be crazy and you might need to start sleeping on the roll away because I love our bed but thankfully the pattern seemed to lessen after a while. Perhaps because you figured the only way to stop the 50kg dog from making a body mould in the bed that is not humanoid was to be in bed yourself. Im not good at stopping him from spreading out. I’m asleep!
I do know that you were feeling a little stressed that month and your sleep was often interrupted as it was but I still think it would have been more beneficial to you had you been in bed. And to me for that matter because then I would not have woken up when you came to bed, when the little one wanted a feed and when the dog decided that it was time to hop on the people matress. He loves our bed!
As for the month before that, I actually remember a night when you didn’t leave me in favour of the tv. We went to bed at the same time and we talked to each other. We looked at houses on our phones and enjoyed being a little silly together. We related. That is what I miss when we get caught up in the day to day and the stresses that go along with it. Like you applying for that new job. Which not only brought with it stresses and anxieties but also lows as it unfortunately didn’t pan out.
On a positive note though, we bought you a new stroller that month. Not Genevieve. She was just a side beneficiary. The stroller was really for you. You managed to talk your way to a heck of a discount on a shiny new running pram, the likes of which you have been eyeing off for ages. It is a respected brand of pram to be sure but not as common or ubiquitous in Australia as your steelcraft and your city selects. Which is why it amused me no end that one of the first times you really went running with it, you finished up at a dog park where we bumped into a fellow Bob user with baby and pram in tow. You guys had your own little Bob Bonding Bromance and checked out each other’s rigs. It was kind of cute.
In regards to this month though, we might have just finished it but I still don’t have a lot to share. Except maybe that yelling loudly at your child because she yelled loudly at you first and you thought she should see how she liked it, is not the best example to set. You chew me out all the time for parroting your arguments and your attitudes back at you. Just because you have done something is apparently not a valid reason for me to do it too. Although I am now quoting your logic back at you again which is seemingly against the rules so perhaps I should leave it there.
Your Loving Wife
* Photo was taken at this years Mediaeval Festival