Highway To Hell


Dear Jackasses Delinquents,

Now I think I’m a pretty tolerant person. I think that kids have the right to be kids, people should have the freedom to be themselves in their own homes and we all should live and let live. Now you on the other hand may just call me a chicken. I don’t like confrontation or making waves and I can be hesitant about speaking my mind in person. Regardless of the way you want to look at it though, since we moved in I have not been in your face but I can tell you now that I have just about had it with your dirt bikes, quad bikes, mini trikes, motorbikes, go karts and motorized cycles!

They are loud, they are annoying and they are disruptive. My living room faces the street. My bedroom faces the street and more to the point, my daughter’s bedroom faces the street. So when you and your hooligan mates go joyriding up and down the street in the evening or try to do burn outs on my curb at lunchtime or tinker with your toys at tea time, no one in my house can either sleep or speak to each other (if they expect to be heard that is). And when we have to make concessions for you and your idiot friends on the road where whatever you are riding (often illegally) you are sans helmet, you do not engender feelings of fellowship in any of your neighbours.

I don’t know if you realise (although you probably don’t even care), most of the people in our street don’t like you. Not they don’t know you or they don’t give two hoots about you but they actively dislike you. I know four separate households that have called the police to complain about you. Four! I know someone who has gone out of their way to go to the police station to complain about you in person! I am a little ashamed to say that we have actually joked about running you over, setting our dog on you or lying in wait with a BB gun. And we are not the only people who think it wouldn’t concern us in the least if an accident was to befall any of you. It’s not very Christian to be sure but you really piss us off.

If it was every now and then, a lot more of us would turn a blind eye but it feels like all the freaking time. In addition to which, it is the general opinion that you are arrogant, rude and disrespectful. It wouldn’t surprise me if you were also dishonest. It was noted in the street the day we saw the cops outside your house and the day from which we didn’t see the quad bikes again. I’m just saying. And  you know what, for all your brash bravado, I even think there is a little bit of the chicken in you because for a short while after my husband chewed you out for being a moron on our property, you started going 50 meters up the street to start your bikes. And I know this because I talk to my neighbours…about how much we really don’t like you.

So in my opinion, you are a blight on my neighbourhood and we can’t be rid of you fast enough. When we found out that the council has expressed an intention to acquire the properties on your side of the street, ending in your parents’ property, we couldn’t have been happier. It’s just too bad that it won’t be tomorrow!

Your Neighbour (unfortunately).

* So the picture is not really representative of you or your myriad of motorised modes of transport (and I shamelessly pinched it) but somehow, I still thought of you.


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