Your daddy is a muppet. What is a “muppet” I hear you ask? Well the urban dictionary provides a number of explanations.
1. A person who is ignorant and generally has no idea about anything.
Generally an apt description of the word although Sparky’s muppetness is therefore actually restricted to certain things. The following description I felt expressed the essence far better and was far more amusing.
2. A person who defies explanation with regard to common sense and logic, exhubing an air of confidence that is mutually exclusive to that of their accomplishments or ability.
Although to be honest, this is a little harsh in regards to your father. It is nonetheless emphatically felt when he is in the middle of doing something I’d really rather he wouldn’t though. Then there was the next definition which believe it or not, is also applicable.
3. General name given to a large cast of bizarre comedy puppets created by the late Jim Henson.
I find the first two definitions accurate when your father is doing something foolish. Like taking time out to try and shush you when you’re in the midst of a screaming fit because you’re butt naked. I mean, you are clearly upset by the fact that you are butt naked yet instead of dressing you as quickly as possible to eradicate the cause of your distress, he wants to leave you lying there in misery whilst he tries to have a chat with you. He doesn’t seem to understand that you are so not interested. That he is in fact causing further distress.
Then there is the one that really drives me batty. He has a habit of talking to you at the same time as trying to get you to sleep. He will be rocking/swinging/bouncing you in his arms and trying to have a conversation with you. Funnily enough, when someone is trying to elicit a response out of you, it is very hard to completely ignore them and nod off to sleep. I know. I’ve tried. So I am sure you can understand when I say that on occasions, your father really is a muppet.
I also thought I’d let you know though, that occasionally Sparky turns into a Muppet wanna be. And this will make more sense to you once I have introduced you to The Muppet Show. This iconic series was an important part of my childhood and, as far as I’m concerned, is genius television which I intend to inflict on you later. Two of the recurring characters however are pretty much completely indecipherable and your father seems to impersonate both of these with an alarming frequency. I have to say that Sparky is a little more The Swedish Chef than Beaker, but he certainly does a good job at both.