Month Forty-Two

Chicken Sculpture (1 of 1)

Dear Husband,

If I had to sum up this month I would say it has been one of broken promises and best intentions. On both our parts. A month where we each took turns being the pot and the kettle as certain things didn’t go our way. You were disappointed and frustrated with both of your jobs this month as the lack of consistency and follow through saw you excluded from a conference you had expectations of attending and denied additional responsibilities that were initially offered to you. I was sorry to see you upset. I know being passed over sucks and even more so, the feeling that you weren’t even considered.

Then there were the general everyday gripes that you had over your jobs. I particularly recall the occasion when you bitched vehemently about some of the younger people with whom you work at the cafe. You dissed their apparent lack of a proper work ethic and railed against their laziness asking “how can they possibly stand around chatting when its busy or walk past a table full of empty dishes and not think to clear it or clean it!?!”. You know what my first thought was though? I would guess the answer to those questions is exactly the same way that you can do it at home. You happily play with your phone when I am tidying around you for prolonged periods without a thought to help. I have also watched you walk straight past tables with crockery and cutlery all over them and watched you not wash up, clear the items away to the sink or even stack them into a neater pile so there is still some table visible. I’m just saying.

And my first thought was the above because this month you promised me that we would take turns with the washing up. Now that there is extra work in the house with the Genibean, you offered to help out more to make it a little easier on me. That didn’t exactly work out though and when I first called you on it, you apologised profusely and promised to pick up your game. I let it go three days however and then did the washing up myself. What I could find at least. I am accustomed to doing the rounds of the house for things that require cleaning but I’m not used to checking the fridge!

As you are aware, we had a bit of an ant problem this month. The little buggers were everywhere and congregated en masse when any food scraps were left behind. There would be lines of ants that were metres long, around windows and over doorways, just to get to a neglected bit of kibble. We obviously tried to keep what we could clean but eventually you decided that from now on, all the dirty dishes would be kept in the fridge. Just like that. No discussion. And whilst I could see the benefit in the very short term, I have to say that it drove me nuts. Just like it does when you fill the sink with water to create a moat and put dirty dishes in there. We only have one sink in the kitchen. What if I need to be able to rinse or drain something?!?

So things often got left behind in the fridge either by oversight because they were missed amongst the food or on purpose. Like the griddle pan that has spent a number weeks on the bottom shelf. This thing is a pain in the butt to clean and ended up getting left out of some washes when it was first dirtied. Since you did cook with it and didn’t wash it when it was your turn however, I decided that neither would I. Petty, I know, but I never promised to be mature all the time. Therefore I could say we are in a Mexican stand off right now as to which one of us is finally going to cave and wash the damn thing but whilst I’m definitely leaving it there on purpose, I’m not convinced that you are even aware that it is still in there. Despite the fact that you open the fridge several times per day at least.

Also on my bad for this month (as well as the washing up thing) was the fact that I signed up for new Internet and phone contracts without saying anything to you first. I know you have nothing against me actually making these decisions but it was a fair call that I had discussed both with you previously and would normally make these sorts of decisions with more consultation between us. I guess in my mind, we had already conversed several times about the internet and the upgrade of my phone. You had done some research and made suggestions regarding the Internet, and I in turn had decided that they didn’t suit either for price, carrier or crap I neither need nor want reasons. I didn’t want to be without internet as I can’t just go to work to be online right now so I accepted the offer for more than twice the amount of data I was currently getting for what I am already paying. That seemed fair enough.

And regarding the phone, since there were no available handsets that you had professed to want on any of the five or more occasions we had been into the phone store, I chose one that I wanted on the plan in my name for less than I am paying now. Since my phone had been playing up, I thought that was fair enough too. I will admit however that it has occurred to me writing this that I asked for your opinion regarding these things, I asked for your wishes and requested your thoughts but I never stated that I needed to do something soon. I also didn’t tell you that I wanted to do something about it in the immediate future and not just chat about it. I know I talk around things so I don’t feel like I’m being bossy or nagging but then think I’ve had the discussion. You on the other hand think nothing of the sort and are subsequently put out when I go off and make an executive decision. Sorry about that. I do actually value your opinion. Just as I value your assistance.

Last month I know you thought it was great to feel important when the Genibean wanted to sleep on your chest. She only seemed to settle at night for you and that made you feel special. This month however, you have been convinced that she hates you because she can spend hours awake with intermittent crying and grizzling and won’t often be quiet and content in your arms. Just because she hasn’t wanted to settle for you as much though doesn’t make you a bad dad! It doesn’t make you a bad husband either. In fact, it has been great when you have taken her, even if she doesn’t stop screaming. This usually gives me just a bit of time to regroup so I can come back to her ready to remain calm and relaxed in the face of an absolute meltdown.

So thankfully yours,

Your Loving Wife

* Photo taken at last yesrs Sculptures By The Sea

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