The Question

Dear Husband,

To Flush or not to Flush. That is sometimes my question. It is that dilemma often faced at 3am in the morning when you question whether it is better to potentially wake your guests (or your hosts) from what you hope will be blissful slumber with the whooshing of water and the moaning of pipes, all in the name of cleanliness and hygiene…or just hope you can get to the toilet first in the morning. Whether you should run the risk of waking your child (or in our case the dog) with the newsflash that hey, I am theoretically up and available to play, RIGHT NOW, with you, or stealthily steal straight back to bed in the hope that you can get back to sleep and deal with what was left over at a more civilised hour.

Sometimes the answer to this question comes with qualifiers. Like I can excuse No. 1 with extenuating circumstances amounting to courtesy (or self preservation) but I have a strict No. 2 = flush policy. Or maybe it is dependent on the proximity of the toilet and related pipes to the person(s) you do not wish to wake that affects your decision. Since we live in an old house, I can certainly appreciate that the resulting level of noise generated by a decision to flush may well be an important element of your thought process. We can’t really however claim water restrictions as a contributing factor (apparently this was the case in Goulburn a couple of years ago). Whichever way you look at it though, perhaps some people will think me terribly uncouth but I feel that there are in fact times in life where when to flush or not to flush is indeed the question.

Perhaps others will support me however in the belief that when every member of the household is up (or out), it is past all possible restrictions for neighbourhood noise and you are not suffering from some physical ailment that hinders your either reaching the button on top of the toilet or actually depressing it, that there is no excuse whatsoever for not flushing the toilet after use. I say this with all possible love as I point out to you that on more than one occasion recently, I have come home after work to use the amenities and have had my eyes fall upon what I believe should not be. Now maybe I am being unfair. Maybe we have a phantom loo that regurgitates that which is has formerly swallowed so you did in fact flush in good faith. Maybe I was mistaken in my conviction that the bowl was indeed barren when I left it those same mornings and you accidentally forgot that you had something else to take care of from the previous night before you left for work.

Not that this is really an excuse you can use on an ongoing basis though. Now I know that you were raised in a household of women and therefore leave the toilet seat down. Most of the time. And I know that when you decide not to flush in the wee small hours of the morning, as a concession, you do actually place the lid down. This is also a good thing. Honestly though, it doesn’t leave me with a nice surprise when I lift that same lid up for use at 6:45pm when I get home. So I thought I might just let you know that whether to flush or not to flush should absolutely not be the question but merely when to flush or not to flush. In my humble opinion of course. And I also wanted to add a gentle reminder that I’m not really partial to surprises and you can’t blame this one on the dog. Just in case you were going to try because you blame everything else on him at the moment.

Lovingly yours,

Your Loving Wife

*Photo taken at Gracebrook Winery I believe on one of our wine trips


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