Month Thirty-Five

Dear Husband,

I can’t believe we’re halfway through another year. And almost halfway to another person. It still seems a bit surreal. The baby thing, not the time thing which seems to happen every year now really…So I’m starting to get a bit of a belly at the moment and it really looks as though we’re starting a family, its not just some crazy notion that sounded kind of cool. Well, it is that as well I guess but you know what I mean. Its different having a physical reminder in plain sight. I have caught you looking at my new shape a couple of times with a funny sort of look on your face, like you can’t quite believe it. I think you like it but theres also a part of you that seems a little unsure. Theres also a bigger part of you that seems to be packing it, convinced somehow that you’re going to be a terrible father and screw everything up. But you’re really not. Not any more than the average person anyway.

I don’t think you will find anyone ever who is the perfect parent. Completely in control of themselves and their surroundings, not to mention their children. I’m sure it’s a myth. Perpetuated by those who like to think they have all the answers but are really those people whom others stare at in the supermarket and go “well at least I’m not like that”. It might appear that some parents are totally awesome on the outside but I honestly think, at most, all you’ll ever get is someone who is confident that they are doing the best they can on the inside. Someone who knows that you can’t bring up a well adjusted person and dictate how they think and speak and act. Someone who tries to impart morals, values and life lessons but ultimately lets their child think for themselves. But then, maybe that’s my view of the perfect parent?

Regardless, in the grand scheme of things, I am so not worried about you doing a poor job. You who has been a nanny and worked in child care. You who has grown up with two parents that clearly love you, even if they don’t live under the same roof as each other. If I was going to be concerned about anyone it would be me who knows relatively little about child development and still has the game plan of “I’m just going to wing it”. I’m not worried though, not really, because we have some pretty cool parents and friends and it doesn’t just take two parents to raise a child, it takes a whole village and all that. We’ll have help. And if we don’t happen to like what they have to say then we’ll tell them to butt out.

While we’re on the topic of growing children however, (growing, raising, close enough) I still don’t think you quite understand what a toll it takes. Especially since you keep telling me, I know you’re pregnant and tired and all but I am really tired! I’m so glad that at this unique period of our lives, its all about you. You have started doing this Hi-Reps group workout thing which is requiring several hours of high intensity physical exertion each week. Each session leaving you completely shattered. In addition to this, you have restructured your diet to accommodate different foods and a different eating schedule. It will all get easier over the coming weeks for you I am sure but so far, you have spent a considerable amount of time complaining to me about how tired, sore and hungry you are all the time. Which is fine. Just so long as you realise I’ll be returning the favour for a while.

As you start to lose the weight bit by bit, I will be gaining it. Although hopefully my progress is a little slower than yours because I think I’m only supposed to add about 500g per week at the moment. As your beer gut evolves towards a six pack though, I will be growing a sizable melon. With any luck your aches and pains will dissolve as muscle memory starts to anticipate the exertion whereas my body is still doing something different each week and stretching itself to new limits that won’t be without their repercussions. I can also say now that I will be needing more sleep for at least the next 5 months (and both of us will probably need more than we’re getting for a good number of months after that). If you are as tired however for the next 5 months as you are now then that’s really going to suck. And it won’t be very interesting either.

It’s a bit sad when you can sum up the last couple of weeks by saying well, we were tired. There were of course a couple of extenuating circumstances such as we were both recovering from colds and flu which took quite a while in and of itself. We were also largely out of funds to do stuff after the arrival of the electricity bill, the water bill, the car registration bill, the green slip bill, the car insurance bill, the NRMA bill, the credit card bill, the mobile phone bill and the genetic testing bill which all sum totalled a crap load of money. Then there was the fact that it was cold and wet a lot and I think we were quite happy to stay in when we didn’t have to go out. We were almost expecting it.

Both of us I think were asked in the last week if we had much planned for the weekend and before thinking too much about it we were both replying oh, you know, the usual, not much before we realised that we were channelling goldfish again. It was apparently hard to remember that we had a lot on that weekend, especially the Saturday. Had we managed to get to everything that was on, we had a 2nd birthday, two 30th birthdays (or at least two adult birthdays) and an EP launch for friends to attend. In the end, it really wasn’t a quiet weekend at all. And I didn’t get any washing finished. Sorry. Maybe we’ll have better luck this month. On several counts.

Still tiredly yours,

Your Loving Wife

* Photo taken at Curly Flat winery on our recent trip to Victoria.

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