Week Eight

Dear Button,

You are:

  • About the size of a gummy bear now or a kidney bean or you know, something that size.
  • Extremely jointy, with fingers and toes and elbows and knees. You can totally now do the Hokey Pokey!
  • Almost finished with the tail.

I am:

  • An intricate combination of elements desperately seeking balance.
  • Embracing the bloat.

Well I am no longer treating my boobs like delicate flowers when I wake up, when I get dressed, when I take a shower and when I walk up and down stairs. This is a good thing. They’re still a little sensitive but not having the same level of obsession with boobs as a teenage boy is a relief. Seriously, I was thinking about them all throughout the day! Anyway, this week there was something else new to the table. This week, balance was key.

It seems my body has decided that there is a perfect balance of liquid, gas and food that it wants only it has neglected to tell me what it is. All I know is I feel remarkably uncomfortable when I don’t get it right. Which is practically all the time. I’ll be sitting on the couch with that tight feeling just underneath my ribs and I’ll be thinking ooohhh, I don’t feel so good, maybe I’ll lie down. That feels ok for a while and then ooohhh, I’m kinda hungry, I’ll get something to eat. I feel better after that then ooohhh, that funky feeling is back, perhaps I can burp? Yep, opening the front door did the trick. Ahh, not quite though, can I open the back door a little? Apparently so, now I feel ok. Wait, I need a drink…Now I need to pee…Perhaps I should lie down again?

For like the whole week!

You think as an adult that you have a decent amount of experience in being able to read what your body is telling you. At least the whole hungry/thirsty thing and a few other feelings besides but it was almost like going back to preschool. My body kept saying “I feel bad” and I’m like what do you want? Why do you feel bad? And my body just replies “feeling baaaadd”. So not helpful. Which means I try everything I can think of and then I just have to wait it out. I’d like to say that I’m more stubborn than my body but I’d have to say that either we are one and the same so I’m really stuck with it at that point till it goes away or alternately, my body is totally the winner and I’m at its mercy. As evidenced by the bloat.

Seriously, I feel like I’m starting to get a belly and you’re the size of a kidney bean. I’d probably have to describe my stomach as 5% baby and 95% body stuff, pizza, ice cream and kebabs but I swear I haven’t eaten that much take out recently! Maybe its because I am also losing the will to suck up my gut as well. I’ve gotten pretty good at that over the last 30 years. Stand up straight, push your chest out, tighten your stomach muscles…except now that is uncomfortable. Tight jeans are uncomfortable. Exercising is uncomfortable. Sigh.

My Pregnancy Misconception: I had grand ideas before I got pregnant that I was going to keep up (or maybe that was improve) my fitness level the whole way through. I was going to walk. I was going to do yoga and strength work and I was going to be really healthy but its really not much fun doing that when you’re queasy. All the time. I should probably just shut my mouth now and be eternally grateful that I haven’t spent the last couple of weeks with my head over a toilet bowl but theres still a part of me that goes can’t the bloat and queasy thing just go away?

Alles Liebe,

Lexelah

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