The (Worst) Best Day

Dear Husband,

I think being married to you is kind of like working in a coffee shop. Just go with me on this one ok? One minute you’re making a scalding hot long black and the next, an icy frappuccino. Sometimes you get broad smiles and friendly conversation and at others you slam right into someone elses rotten day. I’m just saying. There are occasionally complaints and demands, and people who clearly don’t know what they want so they um and ahh for ages but despite all that, some people are a complete pleasure and if it’s a good coffee shop, you’ll always come back to it. Or you’ll keep working there…Or whatever…So yeah, I wasn’t really going anywhere with that, I just started thinking about our date yesterday and then the whole good vs crap dichotomy, and the coffee thing just popped into my head. Because, and this may sound unrelated but trust me there is logic here, you must admit that yesterday was a bit of a yo-yo.

It first came about because I “opened up the opportunity for you to do something nice for me”. Which was a much more attractive way of saying that I may have expressed that I was feeling a little underappreciated of late and you may have felt somewhat guilty about that. Therefore Ladies Choice was offered and a buffet breakfast it was… Going on a date for a luxurious breakfast – totally awesome, this day will go down in the history books as being fantastic, having the realisation that you are going on the date because you have been taking your wife for granted – crappest feeling ever, I may as well be tearing my heart out.

So we were suffering from temporary insanity when we thought that it should be easy to get street parking right outside and we ended up driving around for a good 5-10 minutes before giving up and entering the nearest parking garage. It wasn’t too much of a walk from our destination and it beat driving around in circles. Getting a $10 all day carpark in the city – better than nothing, realising that you should have pre-booked a cheap park online – not much bloody use when you’re late for breakfast.

Breakfast was pretty outstanding though. There was everything you could possibly want as well as things you probably didn’t. It’s a cultural thing I know, but I grew up in the land of weet-bix – Asian food just shouldn’t be consumed for breakfast unless you’re hung over in which case anything goes. So I passed on the dim sims but figured I’d try a wheatgrass shot. There were three good reasons for this; I’d never had one before, it was supposedly extremely healthy and I was already paying for it in principle. I didn’t quite appreciate your description of the taste however till after I’d tried the “liquefied grass”. Watching your wife drink a wheatgrass shot – pretty damn funny, indulging in scrumptious goodness – absolutely delicious, stuffing your face to the point of physical discomfort – not the smartest move on the planet…at all…now having mental images of beached whales and overturned turtles…

Half a Samurai Sudoku and several newspaper articles later, we decided to do a bit of window shopping. You were still in have-to-make-this-the-best-date-ever mode and so you had me play clothes horse and try on a number of outfits. Why this equals Best Date Ever, I’m not sure but I did it anyway. We had to run the gauntlet a few times between the overly officious sales staff who wanted to tell me that I’d look fantastic in camel (I’m sorry, but a camel dress is going to look about as attractive on me as a camel toe – which is not very) but on the plus side, I think I kind of looked hot in a couple of the dresses. Seeing your wife look hot – definitely a plus, how awesome are you for marrying this chick?, seeing your wife look hot and not being able to do anything about it – damned frustrating!..please just kill me now.

After shopping for a while, we had to leave for our next date – with your dad for coffee. In between breakfast and shopping however we had discovered that the parking ticket had gone missing. Since we would have had all day parking for a flat rate, we thought we’d try our luck first without the ticket. It seems however that compassion is not their strong point and making a buck is so they said we could take all the time we wanted to look for the lost ticket and it would only cost us $10 or we could pay the lost ticket rate of $82 to get out now. So we called our breakfast location – to no avail. We searched back over our path that morning – to no avail. Therefore, this date just became the WORST. DATE. EVER. in the history of the entire planet due to horrendous circumstances (I so should have know better), company not withstanding of course.

So then we considered what desperate measures could be gone to in aid of a replacement ticket. Could we bribe someone to drive up to the ticket gate to get a ticket and then reverse back out into the street? It seemed not. Could we corral enough people to stand over the sensors to trick the machine into thinking there was a car there? Unlikely. Could I give a good enough sob story to the person behind the machine about losing my wallet and not having any way to pay for an $82 ticket? I doubt it seeing as we had probably already been filmed on camera. At about this point in time however you walked over to the exit gate and happened to see a single, creased, several times driven over no doubt parking ticket dated for a previous day. Since we didn’t have anything to lose, we put it into the ticket machine and voila, “Please Pay $10”. Therefore, this date just became potentially the LUCKIEST. DATE. EVER. in the history of the whole damn universe, maybe we should go out and buy a lottery ticket cause we are on fire! and we paid our $10 and got in our car.

The story didn’t end there of course. We still had to get out of the boom gates and it appeared that the much run over ticket could not elicit more than “Bad Read” from the exit ticket machine. So our potentially awesome luck was suddenly potentially a $92 charge to get out of the stupid parking lot. Not Happy Jan. But a few minutes sounding pissed over the intercom declaring that you’d damn well paid the $10 already and you could give them a credit card number if they didn’t believe you got the boom gate lifted and we shot out to freedom. Yet again clarity, hilarity and charity have been restored to the date and all is well with the world. Our lives are not over and we are not destitute – which I suppose was the perceived outcome before this time.

Our date with your dad was somewhat less of an emotional rollercoaster. There was of course the mini gamut between being summoned invited to coffee by your parent may not necessarily be a good thing to I totally scored the park of the century in Paddington! but on the whole, the afternoon was spent on a fairly even keel. And I’m not complaining by the way. About any of it. I had a great day because I got to spend some relaxing time in the morning with my husband, we went out to coffee in beautiful weather afterwards and I got a nanna nap in the afternoon. I even got pizza for dinner. Sure, it would have sucked if we wasted money sorting out the parking but its not the end of life as we know it and we’re still together.

Through the highs and lows yours,

Your Loving Wife

* Photo taken at Scupltures By The Sea last year.

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