Sign Here…Again

Dear Officeworks,

I know that you think you are the Mecca for all things Stationery and Office Worthy. I also understand that you might think that such a holy place, there for the well being of so many, should perhaps have rigorously adhered to policies and procedures to stay strong. Whilst not quite the backbone of any successful business, these standards are definitely like a really important muscle and they should be nurtured accordingly. I accept this. To be perfectly honest however, I sometimes think you go a little too far. I have been questioned on no less than three separate occasions by your staff when making purchases and I’m starting to find it somewhat insulting.

On one occasion, I fronted up to one of your cashiers and when given the total of my purchase, I produced my account card for payment. Rather than immediately accepting my card however, I was questioned as to whether this was actually my card because cards can only be used by their owners and are not transferrable. Yes its my card you peasants. What, do I look too much like a hobo in my high heels and business skirt that you are assuming I could not possibly be an employed office worker out to buy folder dividers whilst in the rightful possession of an account card? I am the owner of the card. It even has my signature on the back. Not that your staff believe me.

On another occasion, I was asked by one of your cashiers to resign the account slip because she didn’t think that the signature matched. Now I’ll grant you, its fair enough to ask me to resign when it is clearly not the right signature. Believe it or not, I am not actually counting the time where I signed my maiden name to the docket whilst my married name is clearly used on the card. If your staff diligently catch this, I don’t have a problem but c’mon, there have to be a significant number of people that do not sign a thin piece of paper EXACTLY the same way that they do a thick plastic card with the finite amount of space in which you get to demonstrate your identity. The words were all right, the letters had the loops in the right places and it looked close enough to me. It looks better than the way I sign credit card slips at the supermarket, but no. Its not good enough for Officeworks.

Like today when I committed the heinous crime of using a lowercase letter for my first initial rather than the uppercase letter displayed on the card. The rest of the signature was pretty identical this time around I thought but I was still questioned in a disbelieving tone as to whether this was in fact my signature. Where do you people come from? The handwriting analysis unit at ASIO? Did the government kick you out and now you choose to work at Officeworks? Policing the huge fraud risk of unauthorised stationery charging. I tell you, if I had stolen that card to use for my own nefarious purposes, do you really think I would come in to buy a business card holder worth about $3.50? Do you not think that I would be charging laptops or phones or portable storage devices etc to the account? Something that was worth more than the change that you could lose out of a pocket and down the back of a couch?

So I’m just saying Officeworks that you might want the fanatics on the registers to ease up a little. Or maybe you could actually issue account cards that you know, have the customer’s name printed on them. That way, when you don’t believe the card is mine I can whip out some photo ID to prove it to you. Because you can’t be too careful with those degenerates out there who like to put purchases under $10 on credit which may or may not belong to them. All such deviants should be stopped. You never know what will happen.

Yours sincerely,

A Reluctant Officeworks Customer

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