Strange Bedfellows

Dear Husband,

Just so as you know, I thought I’d tell you that after a long, tiring day, there is nothing like having a hot shower before curling up in bed, putting your head to the pillow and drifting off to sleep to the dulcet tones of…the Super Mario Bros theme that happens to be the ebay alert on your phone. No, wait, if I actually think about it, I would compare this to pulling the covers up to my chin, relaxing my body and letting my eyes gently close only to be jolted into alertness as you start watching You Tube videos with full volume in bed. And whilst I’m at it, I would also compare this to trying to get to sleep when the dog has been put to bed, all the lights are off and the house is finally silent but for the bz…bz…bz…bz-bz-bz-bz-bz…bz…bz…bz-bz-bz…bz-bz. Bz. This is the sound of your phone vibrating when you are typing something. And its REALLY FREAKING ANNOYING.

I do not understand what the attraction is with playing with your phone in bed. Its not so much playing with the phone full stop as I have never considered you a chronic user. Somewhat avid on occasion I’ll grant you but by and large, you are not the equivalent of surgically attached to your phone. Therefore, when you spend hours practically passed out on the couch or watching mindless television and then come to bed only to play with your phone, I don’t get it. Why couldn’t you have done that before? At a time and a place that does not impede me from going to sleep in the bed that you happen to share with me. The only bed with sheets on it. The one place I can comfortably fall asleep. Why is it so hard for you to just try and go to sleep? And if you can’t go to sleep, why can’t you at least be quiet!?!

A couple of Christmases ago I got Santa to get me an eye mask to wear in bed. This was in deference to the morning sun which likes to ruin the days when I have the time to sleep in but can’t because its too bright. Since we got the puppy, this is no longer a problem. The sun can still be too bright but I don’t get the opportunity for a real sleep in ever so it’s a moot point. I have found recently however that the eye mask serves another purpose than that of helping me stay asleep and that is getting to sleep in the first place. Because, Dear Husband, when you come to bed and all the lights are out but you just can’t stop surfing the net on your phone, that horrible glow of your mobile is enough to give me a headache through my eyelids if I happen to be rolled towards you. And the only way I can get any peace is if I can shut it out. So right now you have about a hundred brussel sprouts points which are like the opposite of brownie points. Just so as you know.

Not always happily yours,

Your Loving Wife

* Photo taken at last years Sculptures By The Sea


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