Week One

Dear Button,

You are a real button now, I checked. Twice in fact. In my defence however this was not a neurotic thing. I wasn’t having a “Sliding Doors” moment. Not that you will understand the reference but there is a part in that movie where Helen’s friend asks if she is sure because sometimes a test can be inaccurate and Helen responds with something like “I bought three packets. There are two in each packet. You can tell from six” and then she proceeds to hold them all up. No, I only tested a second time because the first test I had was in fact way out of date. I figured why waste it though. And I got the answer I expected but then at that point, if you’re going to use a test to determine if you’re actually pregnant, you may as well make sure it has a slightly better chance at giving you an accurate answer.

So there you are. Barring blood tests and further doctors visits I am now officially 5 weeks. Which I think is ridiculous by the way.

My Pregnancy Misconception: I always thought that the stages of pregnancy (ie. “5 weeks” or “20 weeks”) was a direct representation of how long you had actually been pregnant. You know, “I am 5 weeks pregnant” equals “I have been pregnant for 5 weeks”. It seemed logical to me. Apparently I was wrong. My “weeks” are calculated from the first day of my last menstrual cycle. Which then begs the question, if I am five weeks pregnant now then what was I four and a half weeks ago when I was busy not having sex? Four and a half weeks ago I categorically was not pregnant but fast forward four and a half weeks and wham, I am 5 weeks pregnant. Clever me. Just for the record, I think this is silly. Now when someone asks me how far along I am, I will be thinking well its been x weeks since I last had a period which is not what you want to know but I happen to be pregnant so thanks for asking. Apparently this makes me weird. My neighbour just laughed at me when I told her I thought the whole “add two weeks” thing was retarded. Oh well.

So I have been planning to keep a week by week record. Partly for you because one day you may need proof that either I am sane or I used to be and partly for me as either encouragement or a deterrent further down the track should Sparky and I decide to do this again. Time will tell I guess. But now starting at Week One seems a little stupid. What can I say?

Week One
You were:
* Non-existant actually.

I was :
* Taking prenatal vitamins (just in case).
* Fairly relaxed during this week.
* I was probably feeling a little bloated and lethargic on the whole as well.
[This had nothing to do with being pregnant however (which I wasn’t at the time) and everything to do with too much chocolate and Christmas pudding with custard.]

There are some wanky wonderful sites out there though that start reviewing the process at week one and they expound on the absolutely vital job my body was doing in preparation for conception. There are words such as oestrogen and fallopian and mucus but you really don’t need me to go there right now. One site simply refers to a period of “complex hormonal changes” which just sounds like a much nicer way of saying cranky cow alert, tread softly.

Alles Liebe,



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