Month Twenty-Nine

Dear Husband,

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Another day, another year…I’m not quite sure where all of the last one went though. I know we did some pretty big things like buy a house and get a dog but still, the rest of the year is a long time. But things always tend to go faster I guess when you are busy and December was no exception. Although to sum it up, it was mostly about the puppy and the rain. Not so much about the puppy himself in the rain because we avoided that most of the time but well, this month, the weather was pretty crap. It was wet a lot. Again. I bought gum boots! And a raincoat as your Christmas gift to me. It was that wet. In addition to which, we made plenty of trips to the vet.

The first was of course right at the beginning of the month. After our delightful roofers let him out accidentally and he went to find you – across a flipping major road! And then when you weren’t there, he came back again – across the same flipping major road! As you will recall this was a large drama at the time since for a while at least, nobody actually knew where the puppy was at all. Neighbourette and the roofer were out searching, you were waiting tensely on the other end of a phone on your way back from the boon docks and I was blissfully (if somewhat unfortunately) unaware. Bloody smart phone.

What I did want to mention here though Dear Husband was that I’m really not sure why you told the neighbour you were relieved that I wasn’t aware at the time and glad that it was just you that knew. You, who of the two of us is usually (and I do acknowledge its just usually) the emotionally high strung and obsessive one. You who swings from highs to lows like Tarzan through the trees. You who frequently finds company with paranoia and pessimism like they are your personal bad idea bears. You who, ahem, shed a tear or two when we brought the puppy home and he whined because we made him sleep in the kitchen all by himself whilst I was busy whacking the wall with a rolled up newspaper to make him shut up. What exactly gave you the impression that I would fall apart, be completely distraught or panic at such knowledge and of the two of us, why was it better that only you knew at the time? Apparently Neighbourette had the exact same questions but she managed to keep them to herself whilst you were busy telling her I would have totally dropped my bundle and then she confided in me later.

So we took the puppy to the vet when he injured himself on his little escapade and then again when we went to get him some cosmetic surgery and contraception. Which is to say the eye lift that he needed so he wouldn’t get infections and such later in life and (since the poor boy’s testicles hadn’t descended and didn’t seem to want to either), the “fixing” he needed to avoid possibly getting cancer from not getting fixed. I figured that he might dislike us less if they operated on both ends at once and he didn’t have to go back too many times for surgery. This was true up to a point but since we went back every week after that for a check-up and they sedated him again to remove the stitches (gees he looks funny when he comes out – all crossed legs and drunken meandering), the vet is now not on his list of safe places. Despite his bad luck healthwise however, he was pretty spoiled rotten the rest of the time.

I bring this up in my letter to you because I have been considering how much time we spent with the puppy this month. In particular, I have been considering what time we have spent with the puppy. Since the poor boy was expected to wear a cone around his head leading up to Christmas, we tag-teamed taking time off to be with (Stevie – because of the way he’d sway his head to get the cone out of the way) Wonder Boy. We then took him away with us for Christmas and ended up tag-teaming the early mornings because someone needed to get up with him to ensure that he wasn’t wreaking havoc. Now a couple of people have stated that this is great training for if we start a family but that got me to thinking…I’m pretty sure that if we started a family I would bear the brunt of the early mornings for a considerable while so perhaps it is only fair that you get up all the time for the dog now. What do you think? Apart from the fact that when you’re exhausted you could sleep through a freight train breaking through the middle of the house so you’d never hear him, I think it’s a great idea.

And by the by, I think we also reached a new low to where we will stoop to due to the puppy:

Pathetic (pə-ˈthe-tik): When two grown adults leave a perfectly good sofa bed to sleep either side of a dog on the floor (one of them getting some dog bed space, one of them getting the carpet).

Obviously we didn’t spend the whole night on the floor. That would really have been scraping the bottom of the barrel. We just spent the morning from about 6:30am onwards. And we didn’t do it because of our abiding love for the puppy either. Hell no. We did it because we were so damned tired we were prepared to do just about anything for another 20 minutes of blissful sleep (and for my part – since I was the first sucker to move to the floor – because I couldn’t be bothered getting up after you had come down). Still, it was kinda sad…I was the one that got pushed onto the carpet!

The rest of the month was filled with the normal sorts of things that happen in December. Arguments about what to get people for Christmas and how much to spend on said Christmas presents, Christmas parties and Christmas get-togethers. Chocolate, mince pies, shortbread, more chocolate, prawns, smoked ham, chips and more chocolate. Notable in this festive period however were the Christmas parties I/we attended, each for their own special reason.

My Work Christmas Party – for the complete lack of effective planning on my part or perhaps that was failure to get people excited in any way regarding the occasion. In the end, the scavenger hunt half of the event was scrapped and the dinner half was attended by only three of the six staff members we have in our office. Sure there were a few extenuating circumstances, but still…

Your Work Christmas Party – for the comment made by one of your Australasian managers. I’m sorry, I know you were slightly offended but I found it really funny that upon you introducing me as your wife his immediate response was “wow, you’re punching above your weight aren’t you?”. This almost made up for the fact that we waited nearly an hour on the street for a cab in which you left your mobile phone! Thank God we got it back the same night.

Your Nanna’s Christmas Lunch – for the fact that it was cut short very abruptly with the advent of pouring rain. At least we had finished eating.

My Family’s Christmas Lunch – for the fact that my recently-moved-out-of-home sister and boyfriend hosted it and had two sides of family present. It was all very polite (and I nearly ruined the custard) but lunch was great.

And then it was New Years Eve. A day which almost snuck up on me but for once, neither of us were that interested. Over the last couple of years we have made sure to be somewhere that I could take photos of fireworks but this year, despite it being the last full month my work would own an office with a Darling Harbour View that we could utilise, we stayed at home. And went to bed. I woke up at midnight when all the fireworks were going off in the nearby oval and rolled over to mumble Happy New Year to you but that was about the extent of our festivities. There was no hour long commute to get home. No hangover in the morning. No waiting around for the appointed hour to strike. Bliss.

Lovingly yours,

Your Loving Wife

* Photo of the puppy at 7 1/2 months

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