Month Thirty

Dear Husband,

Thirty months! That sounds like a nice round sort of number to hit in January doesn’t it? Of course, that does mean that you are beginning the year on a “0” month rather than a “1” month but 30 feels like an accomplishment. In the grand scheme of things, I know that it is in fact a drop in the ocean. There are couples out there that have been married for that many years….twice over, but the fact that we made it this far still says something. Because it may only be two and a half years for a normal person but its like totally 5 times as long as the average Hollywood marriage, so there.

Despite finishing last year with little to no fanfare at all, we did at least start the new year with a party. We had a number of couples over for a BBQ dinner and we had heaps of food. Which wasn’t really the plan. You never want people to go hungry of course, its usually considered poor form to starve your guests, but after all the bad food that we ate over Christmas, it was just supposed to be some nibbles, meat and salad. We somehow ended up with chocolate, shortbread, chips and bread however, and that was after everyone had left. It was good spending the time with friends though and it was great to see one of our friends who was literally about 2-3 days away from giving birth. Never let pregnancy get in the way of a good party! Hopefully I have that much energy if I get to that point.

Then with the coming of the New Year, there was the inevitable return to work which brings with it the good and the…less than optimal. I was busy which was great but I was trying to coordinate the relocation of the office which was at times stressful. I got remarkably pissed at Telstra. So much so that I wrote a letter I had no intention of sending just to calm down. On the plus side though, it seems I made a big enough nuisance of myself because we had our phone lines up and running on day 1 in the new office. Getting out of the old office completely however will not be so easy. I am still trying to offload some furniture and get the place cleaned to the smarmy landlord’s satisfaction. I swear to God, that guy is a complete tool and no help whatsoever. We were even without air-conditioning for the last week in the office so it was 30+ degrees inside. I wrote another letter to him that I had no intention of sending as well…He still has the bank guarantee.

Your work as I understand it was less busy but just as frustrating at times. You never seem content to do the same thing for more than about 6 months so you are now looking for your next career move, albeit within the same company. You have decided that you would be happy to apprentice yourself more or less to someone else within management and upskill yourself to the degree that you would make a valid replacement in a number of years. You have it all worked out in your head regarding what you should study, where your time should be distributed and how it should all be worked out but your employer doesn’t seem to see it the same way. This of course means that you come home angry, disappointed and cranky which is a complete joy to deal with when I get home from work. I love getting picked up from the train station when you’re grumpy, it just makes my day.

To be fair though, your work is prepared to pay for your study, kit you out for the warehouse and let you spend time learning various bits and pieces but it wasn’t quite as you wanted. You thought they weren’t prepared to meet you halfway and that they weren’t taking you seriously. Playing devil’s advocate, I can see that they have an ambitious employee but one that has been permanent full-time for less than 6 months and proposing to do his current role part-time in favour of putting in part-time hours where none were yet deemed necessary. I do understand the argument that you have to make sacrifices for succession planning and that you are honestly prepared to commit to the training and repay their investment in you but some things take a little patience. But then again, maybe that’s why I’m not earning $80-$100,000 a year in some whizz-bang role. Maybe you are best pushing to get the best job opportunities and forging a new career path for yourself. I’ll be the first to admit that you’re pretty good at getting what you want from sales people.

So I really hope that it all works out for you. Despite a few hiccups here and there, they seem a really good company to work for and you couldn’t ask for a better location. You still enjoy the work as far as I know which certainly makes a difference and they’ve demonstrated that they’re prepared to invest in you. Now we see how it goes. And we see where this year will take us. Its already shaping up to be a big one. I can’t believe that the first month is over already.

In this adventure of marriage yours,

Your Loving Wife

* Photo taken at last years Sculptures By The Sea

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You Say The Darndest Things

Dear Husband,

Sometimes you really do say the darndest things so sometimes I really have to write them down. Like the other night when we were discussing dying. Not in a morbid way of course but in the way that has become a somewhat long standing joke because both of us maintain that we will be the first to go. Neither of us want to be the partner that is left behind. But in the way of things, once we start discussing who will go first we then start considering the method in which we might go.

Ever considerate and loving husband that you are, you promised that you would do your utmost not to go whilst we were, shall we say, “in the bedroom”. I said I’d be extremely grateful because I’m not a necropheliac to which your immediate response was “well I wouldn’t expect you to keep going”.

Thanks Honey.

Lovingly yours,

Your Loving Wife

* Photo taken on one of our trips to the zoo.

Navel-gazing Nine

Dear Button,

Sparky and I visited a baby store on the weekend and I’d just like to say “Holy Crap!”. You are not allowed to use such language by the way. At least not until you’re like 27. You can use “jeepers” or Gigi’s favourite “Schweppes” but anything stronger than that and…I will be very disappointed in you. So anyway, we went to the baby store and there are a bazillion things that are all supposedly must haves. For women who have let hormones smother their brain cells. Some of the merchandise I’ll grant you is kind of important. Car seats for one. It is illegal for you to be without one in a car until you are 7 apparently. Some sort of bed is also fairly important cause you’re not sharing mine I’m afraid. But then it ranges to things that are so not necessary.

Some of them are probably quite convenient I will concede. We saw an appliance that lets you both steam your vegetables and puree them in the one container. I think I could find a use for something like that. I don’t think I could find the bench space or the money but if those were not an issue, I could see the merit in owning one of those. What I simply cannot see the point in, is baby knee pads. What the hell? You won’t ever move fast enough or fall hard enough to require baby knee pads. Not unless we’re throwing you around and then you’ve got more problems to worry about than sore knees. And why would you want something that is going to make learning to get around even more difficult? That is plain stupid. This is just a way to scam over-protective parents out of money.

Cause if you’re going to go down the knee pad route, why not invest in a padded helmet? You know, something that looks like the boxing masks. Something to protect you every time you do a face plant or lift your head up too quickly under a coffee table. To save a bit of cash, you can tie a pillow to your baby’s backside to cushion their fall when they plop on their butt however you may want to invest in gloves or mittens cause you could get them made out of Kevlar so they’d never get hurt touching anything sharp or get them in a heat resistant material so they’d never get burnt if they touched the stove. Wrist guards would of course be additional and essential because we all know it’s a natural instinct to use our hands to brace…What, they don’t make all this stuff already? Why not? Then again, you could just invest in a padded box and never let your baby out because it equates to about the same thing. I promise we won’t do that to you.

I think it is a good idea to be mindful of the dangers and pitfalls around. I also think it’s a good idea to train your kids to be mindful of the dangers and pitfalls around. Its amazing how much exposure is not a problem when there is some common sense involved. Women all over the world have been raising self-aware and able bodied children without the aid of baby knee-pads for hundreds of years. I’m not about to go against the flow now.

Lexelah.

N.B. it was brought to my attention after I wrote this that there are some infants that are really slow to walk and toddlers who are still avid crawlers have the tendency to cut up their knees to the state of bleeding. Those are the kids that might need knee pads. Every other kid with them is stuck with stupidly uber protective parents.

* I would credit the image if I had the faintest idea of who owns it.

Week Five

Dear Button,

Its week five and I know about you now. I know that…

You are:
*
Really there!
* About the size of a sesame seed.
* Now called an embryo.
* Resembling a tadpole far more than your mother or father.
* To quote someone I read “Making developmental leaps and bounds by the hour like a damned GENIUS CHILD”.

I was:
*
“Late”.
* Entertained by the neighbour getting really impatient for me to take a test.
* Eventually ready to take a test.
* Not really feeling much different at all.

So this week I was concentrating on an office move for the most part. I was anxious to ensure (to the best of my ability) that everything got packed, accounted for and organised. Every now and then, I’d spare a thought for the fact that I might be pregnant but I wasn’t in a rush to find out.  What actually pushed for me to test this week was a couple of things I wanted to do if I was pregnant but there wasn’t much point in doing if I wasn’t. Like buy a maternity top that was on sale. Which sounds kind of bad doesn’t it? Thousands of women can’t wait to get pregnant and nearly bust a gut trying and the reason I found out for sure was that I wanted to go shopping. Sorry.

On the plus side however, thats not why we want you. You’re not just a fashion accessory. Thats good news, right? But if you’re a boy and your father has anything to do with it, you will probably be dressed within an inch of your life on occasion. When I met him, he couldn’t understand why you would spend much money on clothes and didn’t see the point in dressing to impress. Now he hankers after tailor made clothes. So be warned, there could be a suit in your near future. I’m just saying.

Bis dann,

Lexelah

Week Four

Dear Button,

We’re nearly up to this week but the below was last week.

You were:
*
Implanted snugly in your new home for what will in eight months time no doubt seem like an eternity to me.
* Less than a millimetre long.
* Growing the very beginnings of your nervous system, hair, skin, gastrointestinal tract, pancreas, liver, thyroid, skeleton, blood system, connective tissue, urogenital system and muscles. Apparently.

I was:
*
Almost as busy as you.
* Forgetful of the fact that I really ought to be more careful of what I was eating (just in case).
* Watching the neighbour get excited that I might be pregnant.
* Not experiencing sore boobs (apparently this is a common sign of pregnancy).
* Wondering if I was more tired than usual or smelling things a little more intensely.

Whilst there are a lot of women that can’t wait to find out if they are pregnant, I have been happy to take my time. Despite that, it did occur to me just how many people knew that Sparky and I were intending to or actively trying in January. One of the girls I work with, sure. Some friends we haven’t seen for ages, why not? Family, of course. The neighbours, well they would have known whether we chose to tell all and sundry or not cause we see them all the time. I’m not really bothered by the amount of people who know precisely but it did strike me that either no one will be surprised when we have something to announce or I may have a number of awkward questions in my future.

Alles Liebe,

Lexelah

Week Three

Dear Button,

As far as I can remember/research, the following covers week three.

You were:
*
A crazy amount of rapidly multiplying cells growing faster than Facebook.
* Basically the size of the head of a pin.

I was:
*
Busy stressing about my office move.

This week is really boring because I had no idea whether I was pregnant. I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t look any different. And at this point, you hadn’t become a blood sucker yet the “blastocyst” (you) had not “fully implanted” allowing you to “tap into my blood supply”. Whatever that means. So all in all, not much to report from my end.

You may or may not be pleased to know however that we have picked out some very nice baby names. One for a boy and one for a girl. We didn’t come up with these names this week and if you actually end up with one of them, you’ll probably hate them at some point in your life but I ask you to remember, it could always be worse. I can’t guarantee that you’ll never get teased but I promise that we won’t name you after a fruit and its pretty safe to say that you won’t be named after nature either. So no “Sage Willow Apple Rainbow” type names. I take gestures of appreciation in dollar donations and hugs.

Alles Liebe,

Lexelah

Week Two

Dear Button,

Since I wasn’t sure that week two was “week two” this is still an after the fact recap.

You were :
*
Still non-existent actually.

I was:
*
Taking prenatal vitamins (just in case).
* No longer on holidays or completely relaxed as I was back at work and thinking very nasty thoughts about Telstra.

So its technically possible that you were conceived right at the end of this week. Its also technically possible that it was our efforts not right that the end of that week resulted in you. We can’t claim that you were a one hit wonder  (ew, parents doing it, right?) and we weren’t trying for a boy either.

My Pregnancy Misconception: Maybe its because I have up until late last year had no particular interest in the finer points that I will soon discover a lot of these. Or maybe its because sex ed when I was growing up was pretty laughable. When I was in high school,  they spent an inordinate amount of time telling you how not to get pregnant and then went on to the broad stages of pregnancy which seemed pretty much for the benefit of those girls who couldn’t follow the instructions from the first segment. What they didn’t really touch on however was the process of getting pregnant. So for ages I thought you could get pregnant whenever. I thought it was a matter of no (or failed) contraception and you being lucky/unlucky (whichever way you happened to look at it). I thought it could happen at any stage in your cycle. I never realised that you really only have a relatively small window of less than a week that can result in pregnancy. And an even smaller window if you really want a boy.

Bis dann,

Lexelah