Just the Same Only Different

Dear Husband,
You know how you have those light bulb moments when you go “Oh, so this is how the other person feels when I’m busy getting mad at them for being inconvenient”? Yes? No? Only I do that? Well anyway, I had one of those the other day.  Actually, it was probably a series of moments but they were all related to going to the gym and they all happened to follow after we left to go to this place of torture.
Finally, on the weekend, we managed to get ourselves together and head back to a gym. Or rather, you finally got tired of me asking you to do something about the coupons for membership that you bought because I couldn’t do anything without them. Anyway, there was a general consensus (possibly arrived at by each of us in varying timeframes, yours was later than mine of course) to push some strength back into our slack frames, or in my case, shake some of the laziness out. Zumba is quite good for that. So we got up in the morning, made sure to walk the dog first, got our workout gear together and headed off.
Now I assumed (and there was my first asinine move because we all know what they say about the word assume – makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’ that’s for sure) that this would be straightforward. That is, we’d drive to the gym, fill out whatever paperwork was necessary, I’d do a class, you’d do…whatever boys do at the gym and we’d drive home. The extension of this was of course that I would then be able to jump in the shower immediately and wash my hair which was currently not going to win me any beauty awards. Or any cleanliness awards for that matter either. I knew that would mean that I’d have to sit in the car being slightly skanky and sweaty but I was:
a) not going to wash my hair at the gym because it takes too long,
b) not going to have a shower at the gym if I was only going to have jump in one again when I got home,
c) not that worried about offending you with my malodorous form because quite frankly, you’ve gotten into the car smelling worse before and so has the dog, and
d) not intending on being there that long anyway.
So, given my assumption, it is perhaps pertinent to also mention here that I did not take a towel to the gym because I felt I would have no need of one. Which is basically why I was not impressed in the slightest to learn that you assumed we would not be going home directly after the gym. You were planning on going straight to the meat market to buy some food supplies for the rest of the week after which you were planning to attend a meeting with someone who was selling their business. Both activities which, I will admit, did have time constraints but which meant that I’d be out for over an hour. But this was something that I learned after you knew that I not only was planning not to shower at the gym but that I couldn’t really because I had no towel. I’m not sure whether you were thinking about the fact that whilst I don’t mind subjecting you to 5-10 minutes of BO (because lets face it, after marrying me, you’re stuck with me for better or for worse), I’m really not that comfortable subjecting the unknowing public to the same thing.
I had this idea in my head that the morning would go a certain way and I was quite happy with that but then you wanted to change everything and put me out. Which in a way I imagine is just how you feel when I announce that I have to go away for work or I am planning on not coming home at the regular time. Unknowingly you build this expectation which suddenly gets steamrolled flat and you don’t see it coming. You Dear Husband are not the only one who gets “hardly done by” however as a result of the seeming high-handedness of a partner calling the shots without consultation (which is just a dramatic way of saying making a decision without you). Now I get it. So I thought I’d point out that its just the same when you do it to me so you needn’t get so peeved that I wasn’t impressed. Its just the same in reverse….except for the fact that I think the two are completely different because in my case I couldn’t do what I had planned anywhere else and was going to be uncomfortable in public and in yours, you could still do exactly what I thought you would have done with me – watch tv at home with the laptop on your lap and ignore me. I’m just saying.
Still lovingly yours,
Your Loving Wife
* Photo taken at Sculptures by the sea 2011

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