Now normally you act like a rational and intelligent individual. You make many logical arguments when you put forward your ideas or your opinions. Quite often I marvel at the way your mind works as you turn a phrase or express yourself succinctly. Occasionally however I marvel at the way your mind works when from two and two, you appear to get five. And since you tend to gloss over some of these moments when you are in the middle of justifying exactly why I have acted unjustly, irrationally and / or illogically, I just thought I’d save some for posterity…
Marriage is about speaking the same language:
Me: Can you please move that power tool into the garage?
You: What power tool?
Me: You know, the one you left in the study the other day?
You: No, what power tool?
Me: The one you used to put the big hole in the desk.
You: You mean the drill?
Me: Is that not a power tool?
Marriage is about honesty:
You: You just have to admit that I’m the bestest husband in the whole world and you know I’m always right.
Me: You know I can’t do that.
You: Sure you can.
Me: Yes. But I’m not going to lie to you, you know this.
You: But you could pretend like you really believe it…
Me: Are you saying that its ok if I lie to you as long as I pretend that I really believe what I’m saying?
Me: But you are not always right Dear Husband.
You: Well maybe you could lower your expectations a little?
Marriage is about compromise:
You: Why am I so stoopid?
Me: I don’t know, I ask myself that all the time.
You: Do you really?
Me: No, only most of the time.
You: Ha! Just for that, I think you owe me a puppy!
Me: Oh really?
You: Unless you want to lick my feet and nuzzle up to my balls?
I’m just saying…
Your Loving Wife
* Photo taken at a winery near Beechworth