Tidy is as tidy does

Dear Husband,
I feel it would remiss of me not to point out to you that tidying can be done at the same time as living. The two are in fact not mutually exclusive activities. Crazy, I know. It is actually possible not to severely compromise the quality of ones living (and indeed, I think it can even be enhanced) by tidying in small amounts as you go. And I’m not talking about cleaning here. Theres no need to involve utensils, appliances or products. There is even no call to use undue force and exertion by scrubbing, wiping or polishing. I am simply talking about picking things up and moving them from one place to the other. From where they lay to where they are supposed to be and that’s as easy as a, b, c!
Just in case you were ever wondering, you do not need to wait till the eleventh hour when the requirement for something to be neat and tidy compels you or until the wife takes you by the ear (which ever comes first and in your case, it’ll be the wife) to clear the clutter. You can take action at any time with minimal effort and amazing results. Remember, happy wife, happy life and all. Its not difficult. You have told me several times this month that you have great peripheral vision so there is no reason why you can’t see the myriad of things that need doing regularly as a direct result of your actions (or rather that was inaction) and that I end up doing in one big lot as I follow the path of your laziness around the house.
The other weekend was a perfect example. Whilst I was sitting on the couch waiting for you to finish fixing your hair in the bathroom, I noticed your cup, plate and cutlery from breakfast on the coffee table. As I bent down to pick them up, I saw your smelly shoes and socks under the coffee table so I went into the kitchen to deposit the dirty crockery and cutlery on the sink before returning to the living room to pick up your smelly shoes (which I then went to place on the shoe rack in the entry) and the socks which I walked back through the kitchen and into the adjoining laundry before depositing in the dirty washing basket. On my way back out through the kitchen and dining room, I noticed the bare coat hangar lying on the table from where you had ironed your shirt the previous day. I therefore picked this up and went into the laundry once again to hang it there, ready for the next time I wash and put out your shirts to dry.
When I wandered back to the living room, I came upon your pyjama bottoms which lay crumpled on the floor in a heap where you had shucked them whilst watching tv before going to take a shower. I therefore picked them up and took them into the bedroom so that I could place them on the bed. This was where I noticed the wet towel which I quickly picked up and took into the bathroom (which you had now vacated) to stop the bed from getting any damper (at least it was your side). When I turned around from hanging up the towel, I saw that yet again you had mastered the art of opening the vanity but not closing it once you were done so I shut this and turned to leave at which point my eyes fell on the pile of your dirty clothes that habitually seem to take over the space behind the door. After picking these up, I also turned off the exhaust fan and the lights which you had left on in the bathroom. Again.
As I exited the  bathroom, I looked across the hall and noticed that your beside table drawer was left hanging open (I feel like I could count on one hand the times that you have closed this yourself) and resolved to come back when I had free hands after delivering the pile of clothes from the bathroom to the laundry. On the way back to the bedroom to see to the drawer hanging out with all your underwear on show, I picked up the jacket lying on the arm of the sofa as it was now obvious that you  were not going to wear this out (you were ready to go and wearing a sweatshirt instead). I then walked back down the hall to the bedroom where I pushed in the dresser draw and found an empty glass sitting on top. I picked up the glass and then walked into our spare room/wardrobe where I hung up your unused jacket before returning to the kitchen where I place the empty glass on the sink.
Since we were trying to get out the door at the time, I didn’t even look at the general untidiness of library books, dvds, mail and other such paraphernalia that seems to permeate our home. I just followed your trail of destruction. Which in turn makes me think “c’mon,… really!?!”. You know that I do like to be at least a little houseproud and you also knew on that particular weekend that we had a guest coming to the house. Sure, I get the being a little lazy during the week (I usually have a floordrobe happening in the bedroom) but you didn’t think that maybe you could have made a little bit of effort on that particular morning? It wasn’t as if the majority of that stuff had been accumulating for a week or more. Most of the debris occurred in the previous 24 hours, including that very morning!
I know that if we are having people to dinner on a weeknight and you are home before I am then you will tidy up the living areas. I’m not even going to get started here on your actual method of tidying things – into another room. The tidying up thing in general however just proves to me that you are in fact more than capable. I just wish you’d choose to practice it a bit more.
Tidily yours,
Your Loving Wife
* Photo taken at our trip to the National Zoo last year

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