Things we have learned: Sometimes I really need to apologise

Dear Husband,
I think the subtitle for this post should be that I should learn to think more before I speak.
Most people do not like to admit that they are wrong and I am clearly no exception to this general rule. I like to think that my behaviour is above reproach and that I am a considerate human being but regrettably, I can sometimes be remarkably careless. And for each of those times when this has affected you, I owe you an apology. One of the great things about a good marriage (or its equivalent) is that you get to spend your life with someone who wants to be part of and invest in your future. You take pleasure in both the giving and receiving of love and affection and you are able to relax in each other’s company. You also bare more of your soul to that person trusting that they will handle with care and use the information wisely. That person can then make things better just by being there or by saying a few well thought out words. Unfortunately however, just as easily, when those words are not well thought out, they can hurt.
I know that whilst you are reconciled with who and where you were before you met me, you are not especially proud of all of it and don’t like to be reminded of it constantly. You don’t like to be put back in the place where you are the subject of others’ ridicule or be confronted by the assumptions that you’ll never do any better than you did before or that you couldn’t even if you tried. No one wants to experience this of course and the many people who care for you today don’t believe that you haven’t already moved on from that previous stage in your life. I hope on some level that you know that. Unfortunately though, what we now sometimes mistake for good natured jibing occasionally hits a little close to home. These are sore points for you and I know this yet every once in a while I carry something too far or bring something up for which there is no need because it doesn’t make either of us better people.
I may intentionally annoy and frustrate you, I’ll admit it, but I never mean to cause you unnecessary pain. I am sorry when I hurt you by being careless with my words and I never want you to think that you shouldn’t share things with me because I can’t be trusted. I hope you understand that when I am careless, it doesn’t come from malicious intent and you can be patient whilst I learn to get past an aspect of my life that doesn’t make me proud.
Also apologetically yours,
Your Loving Wife
* Photo taken on one of our trips away to the Victorian wine country – this was on one of the vineyard warehouses
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