Month Twenty

Dear Husband,
Well this last month certainly has been a notable one for us. Not necessarily “eventful” as I think we more had the feeling that things were not happening rather than progressing at full speed but it wasn’t a month where you could say that nothing much happened either. Most of this was obviously to do with the house.
For the first part of the month as you will recall, we were not being pre-approved for a home loan with the expediency that one might wish from a bank. As others have advised us however, we were dealt with in precisely the delayed fashion that most institutions employ with their clients. Stupid banks. Then we were not being approved for Mortgage Lenders Insurance without jumping through hoops which was very frustrating. Partly because we were putting off getting the house inspected till we knew the expense was worthwhile and partly because it was actually hard for us to jump through those hoops for good reason. Stupid employers. Then of course there was the return of the building report which was really what we should have considered “good” in that the electrical was satisfactory, the plumbing was satisfactory and there was no structural or termite damage visible. Its often easier to focus on the negative however so I was seeing all the things that were not good and was having visions of living in a house where you can’t run a heater and the oven at the same time without tripping a circuit or have a shower for more than five minutes without it going cold. Stupid me? Time will tell…And then there was the end of the cooling off period where we were not paying the deposit because the bank apparently can’t wire money after 4pm. I didn’t figure out till the next day of course that I could have simply transferred the money as both accounts were with the same bank!…That kind of was a stupid us…
So for most of this month, there was a lot of stress and frustration around things not happening and also around how we would manage everything if it did end up happening. How would we solve the wardrobe solution? Where would we put all the furniture? What would be first on the list to buy? It seems we have some very different ideas on those questions. I see you looking at all sorts of things on the internet like shade cloth and outdoor lights and I’m thinking that is so not important and is so far down on my list that its not even really on the list in the first place. I have a few more pressing concerns like the damp under the house and home and contents insurance. You come up with all these “nifty” ideas and my first thought is where on earth are you going to find the money for this? Which is apparently yet another example of me not supporting your ideas or letting you dream. So that just frustrates both of us as well. Which is why we needed a break.
Last year around this time when we were both unemployed and therefore did not have the disposable income to splash around, we went down to Beechworth with my parents and a group of their friends to drink wine. This year whilst in the middle of buying a house which therefore meant we did not have much disposable income to splash around, we did exactly the same thing. I see a pattern happening here…hopefully its not a bad one. It has been said to many a man though that a happy wife means a happy life but I think in terms of our sanity as a couple, its really important for you to be able to chill out. As it happens, in Beechworth and around this group of people seems to be one of the few places that you can really do that. You get to leave Sydney and drink lots of wine and hang around with people who have all been there and done that in terms of the major life experiences that you want for yourself and you are in your element. I in turn get some time to wander around taking photos and not be the centre of your attention socially. Win-win.
But then of course we came back to Sydney, back to work and back to day-to-day life. I continue to worry about how you’re going at work because I’m seeing some of the same things as when you were at your last job. Its definitely not as bad as your previous role which was seriously affecting your health but its still not good. I don’t know what to say though. If I try to get you to focus on the good things to get by, you point out all the times that they’ve done you wrong. If I try and get you to see it from their point of view you think I’m telling you to just bend over and take whatever they throw at you. I suggest that maybe you play their game and not get them offside and you start throwing your weight around citing legislation and contracts. I can see your point of view. I can. I know you want to work for a company that you respect. I know that you are willing to work hard and think that hard work should be recognised. I know you hate their double standards (we don’t mention yours). But I also know that pride comes before the fall.
I thought I was better than my last boss. I thought the way I was treated by management, at least in part, was unfair. I thought they completely misrepresented their desires and intentions to me. I thought they didn’t offer support where it was warranted and that some of their expectations were in fact unreasonable. I thought I could hide my attitude which was in equal parts a self-righteous sort of contempt, a frustration at feeling powerless and a deep unhappiness. I was wrong. And I lost my job because of that. Now it all worked out for the best because I was not what they wanted, obviously, and I love the job that I have now but I am scared that the same thing is going to happen to you very soon and we are going to be locked into a mortgage that we can’t afford. The job market seems a little better at the moment but I still don’t want either of us to end up unemployed. Hopefully that won’t happen.
And hopefully everything goes smoothly with the house. We settle next month and will need to move as well which is never a pleasant experience but I will try to communicate a little more effectively and perhaps you can try to be a little more patient with me.
In hope and ever yours,
Your Loving Wife
* Photo taken at Gracebrook on our Beechworth weekend away.

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