Month Fifteen

Dear Husband,
This month was my birthday month. And that really doesn’t worry me. At least it doesn’t yet. I don’t feel old and I’m reasonably comfortable with who I am so I don’t think I’m running out of time to make that next crucial step in my life that was given some arbitrary due date in my head. You on the other hand I sometimes worry about. Recently you have been pouring a lot of energy in looking for houses to buy like you’re running out of time. You have been getting really excited when you find something and then in turn disappointed when you find properties that get taken or are already under offer. If we were actually in the market for a house I would understand this behaviour a little more but as we are not (unless I missed the memo somewhere), I am slightly baffled by this.
I always imagined that eventually I would own my own home or at least an investment property. I imagined too however that I would be able to live in a place that I could be comfortable and still within an hours commute to work. Were we living in Canberra as opposed to Sydney, I’m pretty sure that number would be halved but still, a commute that was considered “reasonable”. I am not in a rush however to have something now, nor do I wish to compromise to a 2 hour commute just to own a place with a yard and an extra bedroom or two. I would be more than happy to rent for the next couple of years as we saved a deposit so we didn’t have to max our selves out now but it seems you are not. It also seems that you are just running from one thing to another without a really clear idea of where you want to end up.
You know I struggle with the idea that I always come across as the killjoy or the nay-sayer but from where I sit, there is something that really doesn’t make sense. You want to buy a house desperately and I have seen you play with online calculators and such but you don’t actually know what our borrowing power is. You’ve not even approached a bank or a mortgage lender and you do not know what conditions would be placed upon the final amount as we do not currently have a deposit. How can you seriously look for a house before you know this information? And if you’re not seriously looking for a house, why does it work you up so much? I’m not having a go, I just don’t understand. But then I’m sure I do things that are completely indecipherable to you just as you react to other things sometimes that don’t make sense to me. Now I am back to my birthday again.
As always (or in the years that I’ve known you), you want to make my birthday into the best one I’ve ever had. And I’m flattered that you want to make the effort. I get that you want to do something really great for me. I also know you get all these elaborate plans in your head and you tend to take what I ask for with a grain of salt because you’re pretty sure you must be able to make it better (which is frustrating but I’m learning to live with it). What kind of confused me was why you got so cross when some people couldn’t make it. Ok, so some people was 5 out of 9 which is over half but there was an expecting couple who lived an hour and a half away and another couple who we knew might have issues on the night. My cousin was unexpected but apparently it was an emergency. You seemed to take it personally however whilst I was totally fine. I got what I asked for which was to go out to dinner with people.
Its really hard sometimes and probably a little unfair to think that I wish you could be happier for me occasionally. Another thing I struggle with in Sydney is not having the support network that I used to before I moved cities or my friends did. I no longer have any girlfriends I can just call up to hang out with on the weekends (or evenings) any more so when I get an opportunity to do something (which has not been all that often in our history at all), I really look forward to it. My birthday was an occasion that we shared this month but it just so happened that there were also two evenings that I got to be part of some girls nights as well. Which was great except for the feeling that you really didn’t want me to go and the feeling like I was putting you out by making you wait to pick me up (because you refuse to let me take the train home by myself and so hang out just so you can be ready when I am). I know that you want me to be happy and you want me to be able to enjoy myself – for me. It totally sucks however when I know full well that you don’t want the exact same things (ie my having a night out) for what that means for you. I am a grown adult and I really don’t like feeling as though I need to ask permission lest I upset the apple cart at home.
So this month has maybe been one that highlights that there are a few things we need to be working on at the moment. For all that it seems quite negative so far though, it really wasn’t a bad month. In fact it was a great month as towards the end of it, we got to go away to the Queensland and the Hyatt Hotel in Coolum for a couple of days. Ok, so it was a work conference for me, you only got to come to one of the social events and I stupidly burnt myself to a crisp so you had to play nursemaid but it was a well deserved break and we did get to hang out together. We got to relax in a great room and linger over leisurely breakfasts (courtesy of my company) and sit by the pool and you also got to admire the first class golf course. In addition we even got to spend time with your Uncle and his family.
Just as I am close with my sister, I think that you have found that sort of relationship with your uncle who is actually more peer to you than parent. It was nice therefore to see you unwind as you spent time with him and his wife and kids. It was also amusing to see you get your butt whipped in the water fight. I wasn’t about to be the only one on the losing end of a super soaker… We both got a hammering from the kids on the trampoline as well but it was well worth it as they’re great fun to be around. Our time ended all too soon though unfortunately. I’m sure we will be back up there next year however so you can have a rematch. And if we’re lucky it’ll be a little more than a flying visit.
Still and ever yours,
Your Loving Wife
* Photo taken at the Coolum resort we went to for my work.