Common Courtesy

Dear Husband,
Can I just say thank you? Thank you for being someone that shows common courtesy. A trait which oddly enough, is not all that common nowadays. Thank you for being the kind of person who opens doors for women (because I do not subscribe to that feminazi bull crap about this being a statement on the frailty of women by a patriarchal society that thinks they can’t do it for themselves). Thank you for being the sort of person who will give up their seat on the bus for the pregnant and the elderly. And thank you for being the sort of person who thinks that “man-sitting” outside of your own home is completely inappropriate (and sometimes in the home for that matter). I wish one of the guys on my train thought that…
Honestly, there should be no reason for you to sit with your legs splayed out at 90 degree angles no matter what sex you are. Especially on the train in peak hour when the action involves you taking up two whole seats worth of space instead of one. Are your balls on fire Mister? Are you constantly trying to cool them down because they cannot possibly be that big. Not that I’ve tried to look, ewww, but I’ve seen you walk off the train at the same stop as I and I swear you would be having a lot more trouble walking straight if that was your deal. Maybe the stance is in preparation for you being able to quickly get your head right up your….well lets just say allowing for a completely introspective nature…Even so, I think you should grow up.
And don’t ever wear stubbies in summer. We have decency laws in this country!
So I just wanted to say thank you husband. Thank you for having manners and style and taste and for not being a complete pillock in public.
Gratefully yours,
Your Loving Wife.
PS. Thanks to Catherine Weaver for the image which I shamelessly stole from Gothamist because it was perfect.

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