Month Four

Dear Husband,
Have you noticed how many stupid conversations we have been holding with each other recently? How many times we have dissected the differences between “said” and “meant” and “implied” in any given situation. And that’s before we even come to the word “assume” which as we all know, merely makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”…Repeatedly. Heated discussions become something we drag out as each of us get sucked in and done over and then other things eventuate that surely involve euphemisms which utilise prepositions. Occasionally it seems we are a little too much in each others pockets I suppose…
As horrible as it may sound to you, I must admit that I enjoyed the recent weekend at my parents house because when we were there, I got to occasionally ignore you spend a lot of time with my sister. Please don’t misunderstand me here for I do love your company and very much enjoy the activities that we can undertake together. Sometimes however, I just need to hang out with people whom I consider to be my friends (even if they are also ours). It helps me be a better person and a much nicer wife. Trust me. I occasionally just need to spend a bit of down time with those people who are usually ones to whom I could turn if I really needed to vent because you were annoying the hell out of me outside the marriage. These are people with discretion who I know just take my rants with a grain of salt but it actually helps me put a nail on the head of the perpetuating cycle that occurs when one thing seems to come after the other and I end up really mad at you…
Like when you came to bed the other night leaving the TV blaring, the lights on and the balcony door open. As I am not the sort of person who habitually spends their night sleeping like the dead, I woke up at 3am and had to get up to fix the situation so I could go back to sleep again. This did not make me a happy camper as I was already tired. So I turned into a cranky cow the next day and was quite short with you which, hardly surprisingly, made you in turn defensive then over solicitous (asking repetitively if I was ok) then back to defensive again when you tried to justify why I was the only one being unreasonable. To admit to my fair share of the issue, I was overreacting at the time and bitter for I thought the situation could have easily been avoided but in my defence, I didn’t think that you let up at all to just give me space enough to calm down on my own. A situation which is not entirely uncommon and which unfortunately often ends the same way. Unhappily. You know, before we make up again that is.
But whilst we are in these cycles, we have lots of stupid discussions. Like the one about the phone charger. Ever since we packed up to move house, you haven’t been able to find your phone charger and so use mine. You unplug my phone when it suits you to charge both your phone and your headset (which does not impress me by the by) and since my charger is (oddly enough) located on my side of the bed, when your phone is plugged in and your alarm goes off, I end up having to wake up enough to turn it off. Now for my sins perhaps, I am a creature of habit. I know where my phone/alarm is when I go to sleep and I give myself a set amount of time to wake up, making sure I can snooze my phone first without opening my eyes. So when your alarm goes off Monday morning somewhere, a whole hour before I need to get up over my side of the room, I am not feeling the love. Especially when I have to wake up enough to find the damn thing first before I can shut it off. And as I’m sure you are now aware, I get particularly pissed when this happens after I have already been woken up at 3am Saturday morning (as per the aforementioned incident) and again on the Sunday morning at 4am due to a remote you left on the bed which turned the tv on loud. And I know that I have just used a lot of italics to explain this however they provide a much less offensive recounting of these circumstances than the one I may just have emailed a girlfriend when I got to work that Monday morning…
So anyway, back to the phone charger. As I was particularly ill-tempered that morning, I did my somewhat melodramatic fishwife routine and told you that you HAD to find your phone charger because I was sick of it! You came into the bedroom shortly thereafter and threw it on the bed as if to say there, are you happy now so I said thank you that’s fantastic. You immediately got defensive however as you thought I was being patronising. Which inevitably annoyed me at the time and I was all like why would I not think its fantastic!?! I have been asking you for weeks to do something, trying desperately not to sound like a nagging wife, and you finally do it which will by extension make my life easier. This is the point that you tell me that you have actually been looking for it but have not bothered to tell me any of the times I asked (did I mention that it was repeatedly?) that you have already tried (which by the way I do not understand). And now you assume that when you finally produce what I have been constantly bugging you about that I am taking the mickey out of you! So I got mad that you just assumed I was patronising you. To which your stunning rejoinder was to complain that I assume things all the time. My response to this was of course the terribly mature comeback that you were a hypocrite. Having recently been told by you to stop pointing out that you do the exact same thing when you are in the middle of criticising me for doing something you don’t like, I thought that was a little unfair. You also recently told me that I make too many assumptions about you and your motivations in general so when I figured that you were making a few assumptions of your own and your defence was a ‘well you do it too’, I just got incensed all over again!
Now I’m not particularly proud of these moments. They actually sound quite ridiculous as I think back on them now although I know that I was fired up at the time. I am a grown woman however that shouldn’t need to behave as though I’m back in primary school, scrapping with my friends on the playground. With a little more consideration and communication, I’m sure that we could avoid a lot of the tiffs we find ourselves in the middle of but we’re still learning I guess. Or maybe we’ll never quite figure it out and the “discussions” will just change over time…in any case, as I did tell you sometime after I had calmed down from that particular fit of pique, I am sorry for all the times I don’t live up to my end of the bargain in this love, honour and cherish deal.
At times aggravatingly yours,
Your Loving Wife
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